Mad Men kicks off the first half of its final season this Sunday night on AMC, and although the actual finale to the series is more than a year away, it’s never too early to start speculating about where the series will end. I’m sorry, this is the Internet. It’s going to be a major topic of conversation for the next 14 months. Theories will fly with reckless abandon. Just crawl on down into the rabbit hole with us. Bring a blanket.
However, some folks over on Reddit have already gotten a head start on the rest of us by predicting the worst possible endings to Mad Men. I’ll be honest: They’re all terrible, but most of them are so funny that the terrible-ness of them could be offset by how hilarious these finales might be, especially the last one, which as far as I’m concerned, is the PERFECT ending to Mad Men.
1. From Zykium, who provides us with the Terminator ending:
Don is actually a time traveler. His campaigns always work because he knows what campaigns were popular. Peggy was sent back to get close and stop him by the High Council
Pete wins: he marries Peggy, takes over the firm, fires Don, kills Ken Cosgrove.
Don is kicked by a horse and dies in front of Sally. Sally fakes her death after becoming a flight attendant to escape the memories. Moves to Tacoma, makes her fortune selling patio furniture.
4. NumberMuncher gives us the most GIFable ending possible:
Point of view massacre of everyone in the office from a riding lawnmower in the style of The Shining.
5. Phunk provides us with the necessary callback the worst finale ever, Dexter:
Don fakes his death by driving his boat into a hurricane. We then see him living as a lumberjack with a beard.
6. Here’s the obligatory How I Met Your Mother ending, from resident16:
Don meets the love of his life. SHE DIES. He ends up going back to Betty.
7. Genericname48 offers the worst of the worst endings. UGH.
Don jumps out of a window and falls to his death mimicking the intro. It would be so predictable and unsatisfying.
8. From heysend, the NOT GREAT, BOB ending no one wants:
A lucky strike billboard falls and crushes Don on a California freeway.
9. Zykium, again, with the Bob Newhart ending with a 30 Rock twist:
He wakes up next to Tina Fey, hooks for hands. “Liz! Get me my pen hook. I have the perfect idea for a sketch for your show! Can Tracy do a British accent?
10. Finally, Linusbey gives us the Theory Guy’s wet dream ending (thank you, Linusbey):
Bob Benson reveals himself as a psychopath working for the FBI and blows Megan’s brains out with Pete’s shotgun, doing schizophrenic overlord Ginsberg’s bidding. Ginsberg is shouting “JUST LIKE SHARON TATE! SYMBOLISMMMM! [Diabolical laughter]” Meanwhile Don and Joan were sleeping in the office, because the audience thinks they have so much chemistry, and when they walk out they find Pete’s killed himself and Roger’s had a fatal heart attack. The bullpen’s like the last act of Hamlet. Duck is in the corner, sh*tting on Dawn’s desk. Dr. Rapist walks in as a zombie and tries to violate Harry, who runs out in tears (a subtle nod to the S1 finale, amazing). Everything that’s been foreshadowed ends up happening, Don takes Chekhov’s gun and mounts the lawnmower, breaks through the glass and soars into the air! Peggy, Ken, Stan and Sal bid him a tearful goodbye, and Don goes past Ted’s little plane and he smiles and gives him a thumbs up, and as the lawnmower leaves the atmosphere he sees Mrs Blankenship in orbit. He rides the lawnmower all the way to the sun, who with CGI has Bert’s moustache and beard. He hears Bert saying, ‘If the king loves music, there’s little wrong in the land.’ Don nods and explodes. A space song by David Bowie plays and cue credits.