Charlie Sheen Says Nitrous Oxide Caused Him To Grab A Dental Assistant’s Boob

At this point in both his life and career, Charlie Sheen is basically invincible. In fact, once he makes an appearance on Two and a Half Men during the show’s final season, he’ll have won his silly, immature feuds with Chuck Lorre and Ashton Kutcher, because that’s simply how he’ll spin it. So when dental technician Margarita Palestino decided to file a lawsuit against the Anger Management star after he allegedly assaulted her from a dentist’s chair in October, she should have known that you simply can’t stop the man who is always #WINNING.

For a refresher, Palestino claims that Sheen had a bad reaction to the nitrous oxide and that caused him to grab her breasts and go at her with a knife, and for some reason his bodyguard allegedly told her that he was highest kite in the sky that day.

She told cops Charlie’s bodyguard claims the star was high on rock cocaine at the time …

Forget this specific case for a second – who the hell would tell anyone that the guy he’s paid to protect was high on “rock cocaine”? Was Sheen trying to complete the maze in the back of a Highlights magazine when his bodyguard was filling out the paperwork and happened to mention, “By the way, he’s high as f*ck on rock cocaine right now, in case that matters”? That just seems like a really, really, really dumb thing for someone to say. Naturally…

… something Charlie and his team vehemently deny. They say he was on meds for a shoulder injury and had an adverse reaction to the nitrous, causing him to flail around and accidentally knock over a tray of tools.

The new docs don’t mention the shoulder meds but do say he had an adverse reaction to the gas.

Charlie’s lawyer says the technician is not only making up stories … she got fired because she violated HIPAA laws by telling her son Charlie was in the office. (Via TMZ)

This doesn’t sound like the story that’s going to bring the monster they call Charlie Sheen down – after all, he once shot Kelly Preston… OR DID HE??? – but dentists of Los Angeles should probably use stronger drugs if Sheen should schedule an appointment. Maybe something like rhino tranquilizer. That should keep him down for a few minutes.

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