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Scientifically Accurate Barney The Dinosaur Is Somehow Even Worse Than Regular Barney

(NSFW audio)

Did you watch the Jurassic World Super Bowl spot yesterday and think, man, some of these dinosaurs are dicks? FOX’s Animation Domination High Definition (ADHD) seemed to be thinking the same thing, then they got the wires crossed and starting thinking about dinosaur dicks, too. What they settled on was another bawdy, disturbing “Scientifically Accurate” version of something from our childhoods made hilariously wrong.

So if you’re keeping track at home, ADHD has now creeped us the hell out about Chip And Dale’s Rescue Rangers, Sonic the Hedgehog, the Cheerios bee, Spongebob Squarepants, Pokémon, ThunderCats, Ninja Turtles, Spider-Man, and Ducktales. And if you thought our relative lack of dinosaur dong paleontological evidence would get us through one of these Scientifically Accurate sing-alongs without any dong talk, guess again. Someone, somewhere has estimated the size of a T-Rex tallywacker (12 feet!), and ADHD wasn’t going to let the song end without that stinger.

We’re learning so much from Barney, and, no, we will not be his friend.

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