Meet Edward L. Brown. He’s a 34-year-old Chicago resident who, on December 29th, stripped naked during a screening of Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked “stood up from his seat in the front row, faced the crowd of 86 theater-goers, stretched out his hands and displayed his genitalia.” But that’s not the best part. The best part is what he did next. HE SAT DOWN TO WATCH THE REST OF THE MOVIE. “Hey, y’all, HERE’S MY DICK! …Now, let’s see how these singing chipmunks make it off this island.”
Entirely naked Edward L. Brown stood up from his seat in the front row, faced the crowd of 86 theater-goers, stretched out his hands and displayed his genitalia for all to see before sitting back down to enjoy the movie.
Two North Riverside police officers, who were patrolling inside the mall, responded to the scene within a minute, ordered Brown to put his clothes back on and, without further incident, escorted him out the fire entrance and away from those who remained inside the theater.
According to the police report, Brown told officers that he had been let inside the movie theater for free by an unknown female who allegedly told him to have a seat in the front row of the theater, take off his clothes and wait for her, so they could have sex, smoke crack and do heroin.
That was probably the crack and heroin wizard. She only shows up if you take your clothes off.
The theater manager, meanwhile, stopped the film and offered refunds or vouchers to another show for those who were in the theater at the time of the incident.
Yeah, but did he hand over the crack and heroin? Seems like that could’ve resolved all this.
At a hearing on Dec. 30 at the Maybrook courthouse, a Cook County judge set Brown’s bail at $100,000. He remains in custody, charged with three felony counts of sexual exploitation of children, aged 4, 6 and 6; one misdemeanor count of sexual exploitation of a minor aged 14; and one misdemeanor count of disorderly conduct. [Riverside-BrookfieldLandmark]
Since it doesn’t say otherwise, I’m led to assume that these sexual exploitation of children charges all stem from this one incident in the theater. Which is a bit disturbing, because it would seem to imply that out of 86 theater-goers attending Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked, only four of them were children. And if that’s the case, I can see why this guy would pick this particular theater to find some crack and heroin.
I want more like this!
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