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‘Pirates Of The Caribbean 5′ Set For 2017, Reports Oh Please God No Magazine

By / 07.23.14
Pictured: The only casting choice that would make me see this movie.

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Pictured: The only casting choice that would make me see this movie.


Because every good Disney ride should get five two-and-a-half-hour movies about it where Johnny Depp makes funny faces, Disney has set a date for the release of ‘Pirates Of The Caribbean 5: Jester of Tortuga Dead Men Tell No Tales.’ It’s set to open July 7th, 2017, when it will be competing with three Star Wars spinoffs and a locust swarm.

Pirates of Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales — set to return Johnny Depp to the Capt. Jack Sparrow role — finally has a release date: July 7, 2017.

The fifth installment in Disney’s Pirates of the Caribbean franchise was to have been released in summer 2015, but was delayed in order to work on the script.

Disney and producer Jerry Bruckheimer hired Kon-Tiki directors Joachim Ronning and Espen Sandberg to direct Pirates 5. [THR]

I assume the way they find a writer for these projects is that they gather a dozen or so screenwriters into one room, announce “we’re making Pirates Of The Caribbean 5″ and look for the one writer who doesn’t groan for an hour. Then they go “you got the job, buddy!” and hope he’s not deaf.

I don’t like to brag about my powers of prognostication, but back in 2011, after I’d just sat through a Sundance Film Festival screening of Jose Padilha’s wonderful film ‘Elite Squad 2,’ which struck me as a film made by just the kind of commercial action director Hollywood would immediately want to poach, Padilha took the stage for a Q&A. I asked him if he was going to continue making personal films like Elite Squad or if he was going to take a huge paycheck for “Pirates of the Caribbean 7 or whatever.” Now, here we are three years later and Padilha already took a big paycheck to make a PG-13 Robocop and Disney is announcing a fifth ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ movie. I hate being right about the worst things ever.

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TAGSDISNEYESPEN SANDBERGJOACHIM RONNINGJOHNNY DEPPKON-TIKIPIRATES OF THE CARIBBEANPIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN 5unnecessary sequelswhy god why?

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