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This Week in Unnecessary Censorship (11/2/12)

6 Projects (That Have Nothing To Do With Star Wars Or Indiana Jones) That Need To Happen Now That Disney Owns Lucasfilm

By / 11.02.12

So, Disney has bought Lucasfilm and everyone’s nattering on about what this means for Star Wars and Indiana Jones, but that’s not all Lucasfilm did! What about all the other random ephemera George Lucas produced? What about the Howard the Ducks and Redtails of the world? What’s to be done with all that stuff?
Here are six non-Star Wars, non-Indiana Jones projects Disney needs to get working on now that they own all of George’s old toys…

A New Willow Movie

This one’s absolutely essential. Bob Iger or Kathleen Kennedy or whoever needs to be getting Val Kilmer and Warwick Davis on the blower right now and offering them whatever they want. Buy Val all the bison he could ever want, just make it happen.

Howard The Duck Special Edition

It’s important that Disney carries on hallowed Lucasfilm traditions, and is any Lucas tradition more hallowed than needlessly going back and tampering with old films? But hey, instead of messing with Star Wars again, how about making changes to a movie that desperately needs some tampering? It’s not like anything they do is going to make Howard the Duck worse. Somehow use the power of computers to insert some new Lea Thompson nude scenes or something (and uh, remove the duck nude scenes).

I really don’t see what people have against this movie.

A Pixar ‘The Land Before Time’ Movie

If you were a kid during the 90s you love this movie. You just do. Let’s just forget the 12 (yes, 12) direct-to-video sequels and get Pixar to work on a new CGI version. Don’t complain about your precious artistic integrity Pixar — you made Cars 2, we know what you’re capable of.

A Labyrinth Reboot/Remake

We all liked last years Muppet remake/reboot/reimagining thing right? So let’s do some more Labyrinth. Throw some Judd Apatow hanger-on in the movie if you must. Toby can be grown up now and played by Jonah Hill or something.

A LucasArts Crossover Platformer/Adventure Game

So, Disney owns Warren Spector’s Junction Point studios and has them working away on the Epic Mickey games, which star all sorts of classic Disney cartoon characters. Frankly it’s kind of a waste of Warren Spector’s time — he’s a fine corporate mascot, but nobody really cares about Mickey Mouse. They certainly don’t care about even more obscure characters like Oswald the Rabbit.
I say get Spector working on a big, lavishly budgeted adventure game/platformer starring all the classic LucasArts characters from the Monkey Island, Maniac Mansion, Sam and Max and Grim Fandango series. Throw a few sheckles to Tim Schafer and Double Fine and get them to help out.

More Ewoks!

Okay, so I guess this is Star Wars related — but during the 80 and early 90s the Ewoks were freakin’ everywhere and it all only barely tied into the greater Star Wars universe. For the most part Ewoks stuff just pretended the Empire and Rebels and whatnot didn’t exist and focused on the Ewoks’ eternal struggle against space Yetis.
Personally as a kid I actually preferred the Ewok TV movies to the actual Star Wars movies. Don’t judge me! I was young, and Ewoks are cute and the movies weren’t that bad. So yeah, more Ewoks. More TV movies, another animated series — total Wicket overload!
Warwick Davis, you better be writing me a thank you letter now.
What about you folks? What do you want Disney to do with Lucas’ more obscure projects? Is it time for a big budget remake of the Star Wars Holiday Special? Let me know in the comments.


TAGSDISNEYEWOKSGeorge Lucashoward the ducklabyrinthlucasartsLucasfilmwillow

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