The Angry Birds Have A Chain Of Very Sad Theme Parks

When I got the link about this story, from Flavorwire, I was genuinely not expecting to feel bad for everyone involved. And, yet, here we are: The Angry Birds have a theme park, or really, more of a playground with some fiberglass props.

Seriously, watch that ten second spot, and try not to feel pity wash over you as these actors try to make a half-assed “activity park” seem like a fun time worth buying a ticket for. I feel particularly bad for the young boy; here he is trying so, so hard to make standard playground equipment seem ah-may-zing:

And they’re opening eight more of these things across China! There are apparently already a bunch in Finland, but this is a nation that made a movie about children getting brutally murdered by Santa Claus. They’re tough people.

And so are the Chinese, but still, you’d think a country without any consumer protections would at least put up a dangerous, rickety roller coaster or a slingshot to fling children from. If you can’t go full Action Park, at least try, China.

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