The first of two CNN GOP Town Halls took place on Wednesday night, and boy howdy, there was a lot of awkward going on. This event followed the good ol’ Southern brawl of last weekend’s South Carolina debate, so it was a letdown. As an Ambien-inspired town hall, featured players included Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio, and Ben Carson, and it’s a good thing CNN started with these three fellas because there’s now the promise of more for Thursday’s event. Also, beginning a town hall with Ben Carson is a surefire way to put the audience to sleep. The doc’s soothing voice made me wanna grab a blankie and conk right out.
As far as policy goes, these guys didn’t tell us much that we didn’t already know. Ted Cruz played to the Christian Coalition and gave us some genuinely creepy moments. Ben Carson tried to convince the world he had enough life experience to make up for his lack of political experience. Marco Rubio aimed to inform the world that he’s hip. All around, this was an excruciatingly fruitless viewing experience. Fortunately, there were plenty of awkward moments to fuel a few hours. Shall we begin?
Ted Cruz Sings Stevie Wonder
Fresh off his hardcore diss of an adult film star and New Hampshire exorcism, one of Cruz’s scripted questions (and they were all pre-planned inquiries) aimed to convince the world that Cruz is not a person who has to beg for a hug. Nope, Cruz enjoys a very romantic relationship with future First Lady Heidi Cruz. They’re so gushy together that Cruz claims to sing songs to her from the campaign trail. He demonstrates for Anderson Cooper, whose reaction face is everything.