CSI

Horatio: The Early Years (Supercut)

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Before he was a pun-heavy forensic analyst and homicide detective in the Miami-Dade Police Department, CSI's sunglasses-clutching, one-liner-spewing Horatio Caine got his start solving mysteries in his own backyard.

DAVID CARUSO

What’s on Tonight: Chilean Miners

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Miracle at the Mine (ABC) -- This special edition of "20/20" will preempt "The Whole Truth," which will disappoint the zero people who find "The Whole Truth" more interesting than the most compelling news story of the year.

DAVID CARUSO

Lady Gaga Will Not Be in 'CSI: Miami'

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Lady Gaga is the biggest pop star in the world and seems to be intent on maintaining her carefully crafted persona, so it would be ridiculous to think that she'd act in a cameo appearance on a crime drama spin-off for old people, but that won't stop gossip reporters from reporting pointless rumors and hearsay.

Charlie Sheen

Judge Judy Gets $45 Million a Year

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<a href="http://www.tvguide.com/News/Top-TV-Earners-1021717.aspx" target="_blank">TV Guide</a> has released a list of what the top television stars earn, and while the recession and lower revenues have forced networks to pay some stars less, looking nice and pretending to be someone else on camera still beats the hell out of that master's degree you got in social work just to make $40,000 a year.

CBS

PREVIEW OF ROB ZOMBIE’S ‘CSI: MIAMI’

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As <a href="http://www.uproxx.com/tv/2010/02/whoa-csi-miami-directed-by-rob-zombie">noted earlier this week</a>, Rob Zombie directed the episode of "CSI: Miami" that will air on Monday.

BURN NOTICE

BRUCE CAMPBELL FTW

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We Internet denizens have a lot of fun with Horatio Caine, the "CSI: Miami" investigator played by David Caruso.

CBS

VARIOUS CSI’S TO FORM VOLTRON ‘CSI’

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Next week, each of the three variants of "CSI" -- "CSI: Miami," "CSI: New York," and "CSI: Original Flavor" -- will take part in a "triple crossover" episode in which Laurence Fishburne goes around to all three cities because a killer has cast the various limbs of slain hookers across those cities.

DAVID CARUSO

‘CSI: MIAMI’ FOR MATH GEEKS

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Anyone tuned into the Internet knows that <a href="http://xkcd.com/" target="_blank">xkcd</a> is one of the best webcomics around (presented as evidence: <a href="http://xkcd.com/386/" target="_blank">someone is wrong on the Internet</a> and <a href="http://xkcd.com/388/" target="_blank">the fruit graph</a>), and their most recent effort is another geek-chic stab at a popular meme, Horatio Caine's one-liners that begin almost every episode of 'CSI: Miami.

BILLY MAYS

TOO SOON?

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I think this "CSI: Miami" cartoon is making me addicted to celebrity death.

Cats

TOO SOON? I SAY NO.

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I honestly believe that variations of this Horatio Caine comic are enough to heal any suffering in America.

CSI: MIAMI

TOO SOON?

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<a href="http://www.epiconeliner.com/" target="_blank">(click here for full effect)</a> As you've no doubt seen by now, the most recent reports about the <a href="http://www.uproxx.com/tv/2009/06/rip-david-carradine/" target="_self">death of David Carradine</a> indicate that the actor was discovered naked and with a chord around his neck, suggesting that the initial report of "natural causes" meant "natural causes in Thailand.

CSI: MIAMI

WARMING LINKS WILL GIVE YOU SWINE FLU

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He also has puns ready for bird flu, feline AIDS, and "salmon"-ella: This cartoon is slightly more realistic than most David Caruso performances (click for full size).

CSI: MIAMI

DAVID CARUSO SUED. YEEAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!

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"CSI: Miami" star David Caruso -- very likely the best redheaded sunglasses-reliant actor of our generation -- is being <a href="http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/30145441/" target="_blank">sued by his ex-girlfriend</a> with whom he has two children.

CSI:MIAMI

DAVID CARUSO’S AUSTRIAN STALKER DEPORTED

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David Caruso, the "CSI: Miami" star who is also the single greatest human being on television, will be taking off his sunglasses and putting them back on with a little more panache following the news that his longtime stalker has been Last month, lawmen in Mexico nabbed fortysomething Heidimarie Schnitzer, who was wanted for allegedly sending more than 100 letters to the CSI: Miami star and threatening to kill him when he refused her an autograph.

DAVID CARUSO

WHAT’S ON TONIGHT: YEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!

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CSI: Miami (CBS) -- Whenever I have a bad day, I watch this video.


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