Your friendly neighborhood Futurama robot, Bender Bending Rodríguez, can be counted on for two things: The desire to kill all humans, and being drunk. He literally needs beer to live, unlike you. Us fleshy humans unfortunately have limits, and sometimes, we cross them. And then some. The next time that happens to you (not judging), maybe keep these Bender quotes in mind while trying to keep the room from spinning.
“Why didn’t anyone tell me tasting things tasted so good?”
Everything becomes that much more enjoyable after your second, third, and fourth beer. Especially food. One slice of pizza quickly turns into a whole pie with the works, which pairs wonderfully with the bucket of fried chicken you had earlier in the evening. Tasting things tastes so good, but remember to eat in moderation. Otherwise, your fat folds will be going “wooooooo,” too.
“Another pointless day where I accomplish nothing.”
A lazy, pointless day is good. A lazy, pointless, drunk day is great. Spend it clearing your DVR (or maybe watching Futurama for a seventh time?), with a snifter nearby. Accomplish nothing. It’s good for the soul, if not the liver.
“So sober, so weak.”
You’re out on the town on Friday and Saturday night, enjoying some good company and even better drinks. But midweek, you’re trapped in an endlessly boring meeting at work, and dreaming of the weekend to come. Your sobriety has figuratively turned you to rust, unless you’re an alcoholic robot, then it’s literal.