Tebow To Preach Like A Champion

04.06.12 6 years ago 26 Comments

Tim Tebow is going to deliver a sermon at a Texas megachurch on Easter IF GOD ALLOWS IT and organizers anticipate that upwards of 30,000 could be in attendance. That’s the limits of using a house of the Lord. If they wanted, they could easily get enough Tebowtards to fill Cowboys Stadium to watch Teebs engage in some Godtalk. Anyway, good for Tebow. Better to talk Jeebus with the flock and leave us the f*ck alone. It’s bound to be a captivating 20 minutes.

“I’m here. I’m excited to be here. God’s here. He’s excited. Well, God’s everywhere. He’s excited about that. Omniexcited, if you will. Jesus is excited. He rose on this day. My excitement rises just thinking about that. He died for your excitement. That’s exciting, and kind of sad, y’know? Also, no abortions! Peace” [Drops mic]

It should be noted that the name of the pastor of this megachurch is Joe Champion. Hoo boy. That’s like 20 Peter King destiny boners just waiting to engorge.

“Obviously it’s our Super Bowl,” said Joe Champion, pastor at the Celebration Church. “Easter is the resurrection of Christ, which we celebrate in our faith. We feel like it’s going to be a testimony to the community. We want it to be a family event.”

I don’t know about that. Easter is important and all, but your Super Bowl? Then what’s the football equivalent for when Christ returns again? Is that OTAs? “Aww hell, Jesus, you haven’t kept up your 2,000-year off-season regiment and now you’ve reported to Bible camp 45 pounds overweight. Take off them damn sandals, get on some cleats and start the Oklahoma drills.”

[Pic via]

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