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‘And The Academy Award For Best Handjob Goes To…’

By / 02.24.13

Ah, handjobs, the character actors of the sex world (“Sex World”? I thought they closed that place down). They’re good, sure, but you never really want one because you know other, better sexual acts are out there. But 2012 was a big year for every middle school male’s ultimate conquest — Amy Adams gave one to Philip Seymour Hoffman in The Master, as did Laura Linney to Bill Murray in Hyde Park on Hudson. Both were very uncomfortable.

Funny or Die thought it time to respect the knuckle shuffle, though, so they put together an Oscar for Best Handjob, which ought to replace Best Makeup and Hairstyling as a televised award. Both are disappointing, but at least you know why you’re disappointed with a Dong Valdong.


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