First Domino’s went and changed their pizza recipe, embarking on a culinary odyssey the likes that we haven’t seen from a major chain since Burger King changed their chicken tenders. And while it may be true that Domino’s and many other fast food chains are slowly killing the human population, that doesn’t mean they aren’t taking us to flavor town along the way.
Take Domino’s newest creation, the creatively named “Specialty Chicken,” and realize that your looking at the pinnacle of food creation. KFC could only dream of such a delicacy. From Food Beast:
The Specialty Chicken swaps the dough with boneless breaded chicken breasts. The four flavors on deck feature Classic Hot Buffalo, Sweet BBQ Bacon, Spicy Jalapeno-Pineapple and Crispy Bacon & Tomato. The chicken are cut up into bite sizes and topped with sauce, cheese, veggies and meats.
You read that correctly, it’s pizza with a chicken crust. It’s like Guy Fieri took Colonel Sanders out to dinner and reenacted that scene from Lady And The Tramp, leaving this monstrosity behind in their wake. The only misstep Domino’s is making here is forcing consumers to only choose between four flavors. Where is our made to order? This kind of glaring oversight won’t stand in our on demand world.
Luckily, I’ll probably be deep into a chicken induced trance by the time it hits me that this was actually a bad idea. Then I can drown those doubts with a sugary stream of Coca Cola and a fistful of lava cake.
Keep an eye on the papers over the next few days. I’ll be shocked if there isn’t a class action lawsuit from every stoner in the Contiguous United States claiming this was their idea first. A bunch of rejects from Point Break will descend upon Domino’s headquarters and demand satisfaction, only to calmly settle for a batch of “Specialty Chicken” a moment later.