Paul F. Tompkins Live-Tweeted The Skymall Catalog From A Plane Because Comedy

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Entertainment Editor
01.03.13 6 Comments

Around midnight last night, comedian Paul F. Tompkins tweeted that he was on a plane with wi-fi, so he’d be live-tweeting the Skymall catalog. As a Paul F. Tompkins fan who has a love-hate relationship with the Skymall catalog, this made for a great evening. Especially when read while listening to his recent cover of Adele’s Skyfall at a Largo show.

Here’s just a quick summary of the pictures and tweets:

“Hey, Mister Tompkins, would this life-changing Skymall product be a savvy acquisition?”

We’ve placed our favorite pictures and comments from Paul F. Tompkins’ live tweeted Skymall catalog below. Each comment under the pictures is from Paul F. Tompkins, with a few editorial comments added when necessary.

“FINALLY! The solution to unbroken wrists and ’rounded nose’!” [via]

“Loved ‘The Aviator’? Let everyone know with this stick-on Howard Hughes Tramp Stamp!” [via]

“Being chased? Run into the Country Music Hall of Fame bathroom & slip on this Garth Brooks disguise!” [via]

“FINALLY, a futuristic accordion you can rip apart with your bare hands & mash into the ground!” [via]

“Into Steampunk? Hate dogs? Wooden Dog Prisons! Wooden Dog Prisons! WOODEN DOG PRISONS!!!!” [via]

“Fool yourself that you’re fooling others and drink an entire bottle of wine in ‘peace!’ Happy blackouting!” [via]

“Why travel all the way to Costa Rica to watch your children break their necks, when you can do it at home?” [via]

“Just inflate the screen, press play & start talking! SO LONG UNWANTED FRIENDSHIPS AND MARRIAGES!” [via]

“What if your child DIDN’T grow up to be a meth-dealing sociopath? Don’t take that chance.” [via]

Ed. – If owning a Sons of Anarchy playset is wrong, right ain’t sh-t.

“The logs roll onto you & your skin ‘pulsates’* with delight! * #skymall *In this context, ‘pulsate’ = ‘burn.'” [via]

“Why should praying mantises have all the exoskeletons around here? Put this on, you bug freak!” [via]

“Pit the kids against each other w/a fake future-chess-looking game with no rules & find out who’s the keeper!” [via]

“This beautiful gemstones on this ring have been specially cut to make you look almost like Jennifer Aniston.” [via]

“Let your child experience the guilt and regret of Robert Oppenheimer with our ‘House-Burner-Downer’!” [via]

“Old-school Catholic? Hate dogs? Banish them to Home Limbo for Dogs! Home Limbo for Dogs! HOME LIMBO FOR DOGS!” [via]

“No sense of humor? Love explaining things? Hate being understood? Here’s a shirt for you! You make me sad!” [via]

Ed. – Fake Bret needs one of these.

“Clinically proven! Put this money belt on your head and be transformed into Debbie Gibson!” [via]

“Soon our consciousnesses will all live online, overseen by Kate Hudson. Maybe buy her a mug of something!” [via]

“WILL SOMEONE PLEASE BUY ONE OF THESE F*CKING THINGS ALREADY I MEAN GODDAMMIT” [via]

Ed.- Nope, this item is going to be in the Skymall catalog for-ev-er.

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When not writing for Uproxx, Caleb likes to volunteer at the legless cat shelter and photoshop the Babadook into all of his family photos. He once resolved the question “To be or not to be?” through the clever use of General Semantics. Your mom thinks you could be more like him if you only applied yourself.

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