This girl has something she wants to show you. It’s a spider. In her mouth. This is the last video I’m ever watching on the internet.
You see, like UPROXX author Danger Guerrero, I’ve always been #TeamDryLand. The ocean’s deep, dark abyss is home to creatures we’ve never seen, creatures so large and so fearless they eat sharks in one bite.
But recent developments have given me pause. Recent developments have forced me to reconsider my lifelong stance of #TeamDryLand. It all started with a snake opening a door, then a bunch of rats took over a cruise ship, then a lion died when it got stuck in a buffalo’s ass, then the locusts came and then this girl stuck a spider in her mouth. So now I’m done. I’m done with these plagues Mother Nature has bestowed on #TeamDryLand.
I’m taking my chances with the ocean. Wish me luck.