Senior Editor
09.29.09 34 Comments


I write about the movie business every day, so I’m pretty accustomed to how much shameless and embarrassing butt smooching goes on there.  But even I’m a little surprised by how many people signed this basically indefensible petition protesting Roman Polanski’s arrest.  The first signatory they list is Woody Allen.  Said Polanski, “Dude, you’re not helping.”  Anyway, here are some of the more well-known signatories, and Asia Argento:

Woody Allen, Pedro Almodovar, Asia Argento, Monica Bellucci, Jonathan Demme, Terry Gilliam, Wong Kar Waï, John Landis, David Lynch, Martin Scorsese, Tilda Swinton, Wim Wenders, Darren Aronofsky, Michael Mann, Julian Schnabel, Tom Tykwer.

WOODY ALLEN: Leave him alone!  All he did was have sex with a 13-year-old!
ROMAN POLANSKI: Yeah!  I mean, it’s not like she was my stepdaughter or anything!
WOODY ALLEN: Aw, dude. Cold, bro. Cold.

And here’s the full text of the petition (with commentary):

We have learned the astonishing news of Roman Polanski’s arrest by the Swiss police on September 26th, upon arrival in Zurich (Switzerland) while on his way to a film festival where he was due to receive an award for his career in filmmaking. His arrest follows an American arrest warrant dating from 1978 against the filmmaker, in a case of morals.

A case of morals?  Yes, I believe the moral of the case was “you’re not allowed to rape people.”

Filmmakers in France, in Europe, in the United States and around the world are dismayed by this decision. It seems inadmissible to them that an international cultural event, paying homage to one of the greatest contemporary filmmakers, is used by the police to apprehend him.

Then again, if you’re a high-profile fugitive, maybe you shouldn’t tell the whole world your travel itinerary.  Just a thought.

By their extraterritorial nature, film festivals the world over have always permitted works to be shown and for filmmakers to present them freely and safely, even when certain States opposed this.

Oh right, I forgot, film festivals only take place in magical fairy kingdoms where laws don’t exist.  In fact, I think I’m going to build a fence around my house and paint “film festival” on it.  That way, me and my harem of drugged up jailbait can hold monkey knife fights in peace.

The arrest of Roman Polanski in a neutral country, where he assumed he could travel without hindrance, undermines this tradition: it opens the way for actions of which no-one can know the effects.

The tradition of rich people thinking they can do as they please aside, no one is above the law of making an “ass” of “u” and “me”.  It’s basic spelling.

Roman Polanski is a French citizen, a renown and international artist…

A French artist, you say? *whispers* You’re not helping…

…now facing extradition. This extradition, if it takes place, will be heavy in consequences and will take away his freedom.


Filmmakers, actors, producers and technicians – everyone involved in international filmmaking – want him to know that he has their support and friendship.

On September 16th, 2009, Mr. Charles Rivkin, the US Ambassador to France, received French artists and intellectuals at the embassy. He presented to them the new Minister Counselor for Public Affairs at the embassy, Ms Judith Baroody. In perfect French she lauded the Franco-American friendship and recommended the development of cultural relations between our two countries.

If only in the name of this friendship between our two countries, we demand the immediate release of Roman Polanski.

“Judge, people of the jury… Need I remind you that Judy Baroody speaks French?  I REST MY CASE.”   *air guitar*

-Thanks to Patty Boots for the tip

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