The Most Inappropriate Songs To Ever Appear On A Kidz Bop Album

Last week, there was some controversy over a Kidz Bop recording of Meghan Trainor’s “All About That Bass,” in which the Trainor impersonator appeared to sing about “bringing anal back.” Of course, this is nothing new. The Kidz Bop series has been wildly inappropriate for years. Let’s look at the nine songs that never should have appeared on albums “sung by kids for kids.”

Nicki Minaj – “Anaconda”

Admittedly, the lyrics are altered so that rather than being about big butts, it’s about big smarts. But do we really want to introduce our kids to songs like this? Shouldn’t they at least wait until their first sixth grade dance to start singing along to this one?

Uncle Kracker – “Follow Me”

Did anyone at Kidz Bop pay attention to the lyrics to the song? It’s about an affair with a married woman! And it’s not like the lyric “I’m not worried ’bout the ring you wear/’cause as long as no one knows/then nobody can care” is particularly ambiguous. Congratulations, your cute little six-year-old just sang along to a cheatin’ song.

Hinder – “Lips Of An Angel”

Here’s another one! And it’s even worse. It’s bad enough that we’re teaching our children songs about affairs, we REALLY shouldn’t be introducing them to Hinder. If I ever have a kid, I’m going to shelter them so thoroughly that they’ll have no idea Hinder’s brand of sub-Nickelback post-grunge garbage ever existed.

Leona Lewis – “Bleeding Love”

Umm… don’t you think this one is just a tad bit over-dramatic for the kiddies to be singing along to? Don’t get me wrong, I’m awaiting the Leona Lewis comeback as much as everyone else, but maybe a song where the hook is “you cut me open/and I/keep bleeding/I keep, keep bleeding” is the sort of pain that your kids should wait until their first high school crush to hear about.

Lady Gaga – “Paparazzi”

Now we’re teaching them to be stalkers! And you wonder why this generation is so messed up. By the way, the Youtube links to these songs come from people such as “UltimateKidzBopFan” and “MrKidzBop97.” I want to meet these people! On second thought, no I don’t.

Evanescence – “Bring Me To Life”

Here’s a parenting tip: if you hear your child singing “save me from the nothing I’ve become,” it either means they got their heart broken for the first time, or that long division test was WAY harder than they were expecting. They probably shouldn’t be singing that line on their favorite Kidz Bop album, though.

Evanescence – “My Immortal”

Seriously, no Evanescence until middle school! And even then, I wouldn’t recommend it! Even the ominous piano at the beginning of this one feels like too much.

Nick Lachey – “What’s Left Of Me”

In 2006, Nick Lachey had to cope with the harsh reality that he wasn’t going to have sex with Jessica Simpson anymore. The result was an incredibly depressing album, best represented by this so-mopey-it-would-make-Morrissey-blush title track. Our kids — and society at large — would be a lot better off not being introduced to Nick Lachey’s whiny divorced-guy pain.

Bruno Mars – “Locked Out Of Heaven”

Once again, the offending lyrics are cleaned up. But when a song’s hook is “your sex takes me to paradise,” maybe it’s not the best fit for a children’s album. Plus, as a Youtube commenter points out, the line about “when it’s inside me” is kept intact. I have no idea what they were thinking with this one.