Previously on the Best and Worst of WWE NXT: Bobby Roode bid his farewell to the yellow ropes, Billie Kay murdered Ruby Riot, and Lars Sullivan continued to rule.
PROGRAMMING NOTE: Sadly, I am neither Scott nor Brandon, but I’m pitching in for this week. Scott will return next Thursday to give you all the post-hardcore references you crave.
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And now, the Best and Worst of WWE NXT for September 6, 2017.
Best: Priming The Pump
One of the best things I’ve seen in a while — in a WHILE — is Andrade “Cien” Almas taking a full 20 seconds to warm up for his “IT’S MY DIIIIIIIICK” opening taunt. Look at that GIF. That is absolutely incredible. (And much shorter than the actual humping that happened on this episode.) Following up his TakeOver match against Gargano with excessive ramp humpery is exactly what this guy needed at this stage of his NXT career.
Best: Royally Bononi’d
On second thought, maybe THIS was what Almas needed. A match where he lets Cezar Bononi look better than Bononi has ever looked by absolutely beating the piss out of him. Almas proved he’s now focused with Zelina by his side, that he gets all his humping done PRE-match, and that he’s actually quite a force to be reckoned with when he has an agenda.
What We Did Inside The Purple Pants This Week
Okay, so I have an inkling of where this is going, because I’ve read the spoilers, but I’m refraining from passing judgment either way until I see how this is presented. Up until now, I have absolutely loved the Velveteen Dream character and everything he’s done, because it seemed like they were finally finding a way to present a hyper-sexual character with a ton of charisma and ability without resorting to the “gay panic” character trope. I’m hoping very much that we’re not finally going down that road. We’ll have to wait and see.
Best: Lars Attacks
How do you get Lars Sullivan more over than having him womp the piss out of chumps? By having him demand to womp the piss out of THREE CHUMPS AT ONCE. Tragically, the archived version of WWE Network currently has a glitch that skips from mid-this-match to the SAnitY beatdown recap and taped challenge to ROHDragon, which is practically unforgivable.
But the point stands: Lars Sullivan is the bomb, and fools better recognize.
Best: Girlberg
Holy lord, has Sonya Deville ever gotten amazing. Full credit for recognizing her as the woman Goldberg (more in appearance and intimidation, because Asuka is clearly the female Goldberg in terms of dominance and wow factor) and suggesting people should chant “GIRLBERG” for her entrances goes to the true Hobo.
For those of you who have already watched the Mae Young Classic, Zeda was probably the super-unknown Performance Center product that turned the most heads in the first round. And boy, did she take a walloping from Sonya in this match. Everything Deville did looked amazing and devastating. The sliding Shining Wizard looks eons better than the standing one she used as a finisher a month or so ago, and Sexy Star should definitely take notes on how to make an MMA submission move LOOK horrifying, but actually is incredibly safe. Also, when to let go of the submission.
Worst/Best: A Tale Of Two Performance Center Segments
Since the “weird era” of NXT started, the production team has been trying a bunch of new stuff. Some of it works like crazy, like the Peyton Royce and Billie Kay selfie videos. When it works, it’s interesting. When it doesn’t work, it’s a sack of expired assholes. The Johnny Gargano Performance Center video was pretty much the worst new segment NXT does, where they have three students stand off-camera holding not-plugged-in microphones and pretending like the PC lets ANY press in, ever, let alone holds post-workout scrums at ringside.
The Ruby Riot piece was roughly a billion times better, and not least because it showed in-canon that Oney Lorcan and Danny Burch are mutual-respect punchdads who are now training people to be secret grapplefuckers. Also something happened with Ruby Riot, who knows. The important thing is the Lorcan/Burch Secret Invasion that’s about to start.
Best: Well, It’s Over, At Least
The Kassius Ohno vs. Hideo Itami feud that ran for months but got interrupted because no one wanted to put it on TakeOver finally ended here, in a “No Rules, Just Right Presented By Outback Steakhouse” match or something. Itami needs the main roster like a peacock needs luxurious tail feathers, and whatever the right way to use Ohno in NXT is, it ain’t this feud. But they brought it in this blowoff match, where they both go to lay into each other a bunch.
There’s a lot to like about this match, and the endless weeks of buildup did lend an authentic intensity to the proceedings. Maybe I just like seeing Hideo Itami teep kick people in the face, suplex fools onto steel ramps, and obliterate guys with chair-assisted hesitation dropkicks. What can I say? I’m a man of simple pleasures.
I would have greatly preferred Itami to get just ONE measly win in a big match, but Ohno got his balls-related revenge, and now we’re allllll moving on with our lives.
Best: Goodnight, Sweet Empress
Asuka got the undefeated, badass and appropriately emotional farewell that the undefeated Empress of Tomorrow warrants. (Not “deserves,” as the crowd would have you believe, which … “You deserve” … what? Leaving?) The only possible misstep with this curtain call was the hug to Ember Moon, which was super out of character for both women and, if you’re going to do a respect hug, HAVE BAYLEY COME BACK AND DO IT.
At any rate, Asuka gets to leave as the most conquering women’s wrestler in modern history, and now everyone else in the division has a fighting chance to have a fighting chance. That’s the right way for this story to end, and I look forward to her wrecking absolutely everyone on the main roster for the next however-many years.
