When Mike Lindell first showed up on your television screens more than a decade ago, no one likely anticipated that the MyPillow pitchman would one day be trying to sell you on election conspiracies. Yet here we are.
For what seems like centuries, but has only been a couple of years, Lindell has tried to position himself as some sort of cyber crime expert — despite the fact that the various cyber “symposiums” and other tech-forward events he has attempted to mount have all failed… due to technical problems. But Seth Meyers doesn’t care about any of that. On Thursday night, the Late Night host mockingly stated that the only reason he could rest easy going into the midterms was because he knew that “patriots” like Lindell were out there with their “cyber guys” ensuring the safety of our democracy.
On Monday, Lindell issued a warning to “all the bad guys out there” that he and his “Crime Desk” would be “tracking every race by cyber” and he was “putting them on notice.” Which amused the hell out of Meyers:
Hear that, bad guys? You are on notice! Mike Lindell is tracking every race by ‘cyber.’ Why is all of his computer lingo 30 years old? ‘We’re tracking the bad guys by cyber and using AOL Instant Messenger to find out their Age/Sex/Location!’
Despite the fact that Lindell’s ‘Crime Desk’ ended up dealing with some technical issues of its own, on Wednesday the Pillow Man was still ready to talk about irregularities he detected on Election Night and he even (sort of) brought receipts. Or, as Meyers put it: “Lindell let the world know he had found the bad guys who did all the fraud and stuff.” The below graphic, which looks like it was pulled from a school report Lindell himself wrote when he was 8 — or still heavy into his crack phase — really sort of says it all.
(If you’re wondering what that is, Lindell doesn’t seem so sure either. Though he notes that it’s something to do with Herschel Walker and “crime spikes.”)
Describing Lindell as “like McGruff, if someone put meth in his kibble,” Meyers pointed out that the pillow magnate is actually useful as a kind of Democratic barometer: “The better the night [Democrats] have, the more incoherent Mike Lindell gets. In 2020, Lindell was like: ‘There’s fraud in the machines.’ Very simple. Now the Republicans, and specifically Trump, have gotten crushed again. [And] he’s spitting out and vomiting a bunch of meaningless nonsense at lightning speed like an Amazon Echo that got dropped in the toilet.”
You can watch the full segment above.
