I have a confession to make: My favorite show on TV right now is The Vanilla Ice Project. Man, it feels good to get that off my chest. Sure, I love the UPROXX prerequisite shows like Parks and Rec, 30 Rock and Archer, but there’s just something about seeing the guy who gave us “Ice, Ice Baby” and “Ninja Rap” injecting his fake urban speak and style into large scale home restoration projects. It’s absolutely fascinating.
So that got my brain’s hamster wheel turning a little, and I reached out to my some of my UPROXXian colleagues – Vince, DangerGuerrero and Matt – and asked the greatest question of them all: What other one hit wonder artists deserve a pop culture comeback with their own reality TV show? The quick answer? A lot. Were you alive during the 1990s? It was incredibly underrated in terms of terrible music and style. When all is said and done and this planet stops spinning, I think the 90s will be remembered as worse than the 80s.
The only thing that disappoints me about The Vanilla Ice Project, though, is that the name is so bland. We love puns, so we want something catchy, clever and familiar, like Price, Price Baby or To the Extreme Home Makeover. That’s why if DIY or HGTV chooses to use any of our ideas (free of charge, I just want a producer credit) they need to have punny titles. Sorry, but that’s the deal breaker.
Enjoy our terribly photoshopped suggestions after the jump and feel free to add your own in the comments so I can respond, “Ohhhhhh yeah, I forgot about them!”
Premise: The members of Tripping Daisy roll up their sleeves and rescue animals of all kinds while nursing them back to health.
Premise: The Toadies run an actual possum sanctuary. For good measure, it will be down by the water.
Premise: Harvey Danger visits nursing homes and churches to find America’s best doily and mitten makers.
Premise: Paula Cole travels the country looking for America’s best seafood sub.
Premise: Lisa Loeb hooks up a school bus with veterinarians, as she drives around fixing stray animals.
(Ed. Note – I know she’s already had a show or two, but she should have a show forever because High School Burnsy says so.)
Premise: Semisonic channels NBC’s The Voice to pick the most outstanding aspiring chai tea brewers.
Premise: The Proclaimers open and try to maintain a classic movie theater all by themselves. Oh they’ll haver, all right!
Premise: The guys from Deep Blue Something host a morning talk show at an 80s pop star’s house, as they literally have breakfast at Tiffany’s.
Premise: Suzanne Vega hits the road with Guy Fieri and they continue to show us the best eating establishments we’ve never heard of.
Premise: Chumbawumba invites fans to fight until they’re knocked down and can’t get back up again.
Premise: 3rd Bass’s MC Serch gets a job as an elementary school art teacher.
Premise: Gerardo shows us the latest news in video games, tech gadgets and blazers without shirts.
Premise: Nelson takes Cake Wars to the next level when the brothers pit actual couples against each other in a battle of making sweets.
Premise: Neil Doughty and friends embark on a journey to find the best food trucks in America. (Alternate title: “I Can’t Bite This Feeling”.)
(Ed. Note – REO Speedwagon is not a one hit wonder, but I love them and wanted to include them.)
Premise: Lou Bega hosts this celebrity competition that pits teams of D-listers against each other in Survivor-style beekeeping.
Premise: Daniel Powter is no longer kept alive as the anthem of NFL.com fantasy football, as he opens a Texas dude ranch to train wild mustangs.
Premise: The Divinyls head to the Netherlands to explore food, culture and masturbation abroad.
Premise: The surviving members of Blind Melon compete against other bands to cross the country without flying.
Premise: Marc Cohn tackles his love of Asian cuisine, as he opens a Chinese buffet.
Premise: Saigon Kick hosts a competitive reality show that features people both trying to lose weight and find love.
Premise: Each week, Right Said Fred takes on the stereotypes of different religions while wearing mesh and/or sleeveless shirts.
Premise: The Crash Test Dummies challenge their fans to wear blindfolds and identify different wonderful smells.
Premise: Ini Kamoze travels to the most unreachable places on the planet as he dares people to eat the hottest peppers of their regions.
Premise: The guys from Luniz take their vegetarian and vegan cuisine food truck to the streets.
Premise: Mark Morrison challenges foodies to create and market gluten free snack options.
Premise: The members of Wheatus coach and judge an under-10 girls pageant while dealing with insane moms.
Premise: Craig Mack searches far and wide for the best ales and lagers, from the most popular brands to unknown microbrews.
Premise: The crooners of All-4-One launch their new line of urban ski wear, but can they hit the stores in time for the winter?
Premise: The Baha Men team up with Al Gore and other climatologists in trying to solve the problem of air pollution.
Premise: Sinead O’Connor explores different ways in which sheep have helped humans survive over centuries.
