I’m not entirely sure why it’s taken this long to happen, but Warner Bros. and New Line are finally licensing a Hobbit series of beers. A partnership between Fish Brewing, Ocean Brands, and BevLink is bringing a trio of specialty brews to the U.S. starting this week. The project is based out of Seattle and hopefully distribution will spread from there across the country.
It doesn’t actually come in pints, though. Each beer is in a 22 ounce “bomber” bottle and is 9.5% ABV. And if you’re hoping to drink some creatively-named beer based on Tolkien pubs like the Green Dragon or the Prancing Pony, well… you’re going to be disappointed.
I can’t exactly tell from these descriptions what the beers will actually taste like, because they’ve opted to go for the creative backstory, as if knowing who the dude on the label is makes it taste better:
Gollum Precious Pils: A strong Imperial Pils, with flavors as smooth and crafty as Gollum himself. Like the ring which Gollum pursued for the rest of his life, his “precious” pils, if your quest leads you to it, could extend your life too! (at least we’d like to think so) It will, at a minimum, make your journey a little more enjoyable!
Smaug Stout: Smaug Stout is styled after a classic Russian Imperial Stout, but with a subtle hint of Habanero chilis to remind you of the fire and danger awaiting you in your journey to The Lonely Mountain. Pronounced notes of Coffee and Chocolate balanced with Northwest Hops and a touch of heat produce an exceptional imperial stout, a worthy reward for your hard-fought journey.
Okay, so the Smaug beer has a pretty good description. But if you want to find a combo of words that I will pass over every time in the beer cave, it’s “coffee” “chocolate” “stout”.
Bolg Belgian Tripel: An Orc chieftain who ruled for 150 years, Bolg would drink his grog of choice and no one would tell him otherwise – a flavorful strong Belgian Tripel. Some said it refined an otherwise gruesome character.
So the Orc (not even THE Orc, the one you’re thinking of from the movies is Azog), the dragon, and Gollum — three villains — are who they’ve picked to represent The Hobbit movies. If you thought it’d be wise to have at least one beer based on a Hobbit, because like the rest of us Hobbits dig getting loaded, then you thought wrong.