Oklahoma Offers Us The Dumbest, Most Hilariously Homophobic Meth Arrest Video Of The Year

Important news update for all of you aspiring meth dealers and generally stupid criminals out there: A lot of police departments around the country now have the ability to record audio on their dash cams. Now, this could be something that has been happening for a long time, but I wouldn’t know because I don’t spend any of my time in the back of police cars. Two gentlemen in Bartlesville, Oklahoma, though… well, they’re a different story. After they were stopped for a routine traffic violation, Timothy Povlick was arrested for some felony warrants, and soon after, Derek Boff joined him in the back seat of the officer’s car. That’s when they decided to hatch their “brilliant” plan.

According to the dash cam footage obtained by KOKI (via Tampa’s WTSP 10 News), Povlick had a white bag in his mouth that turned out to be meth, and his plan to avoid facing some serious jail time was to transfer some of it to Boff’s mouth by looking like they were just kissing, so they could each swallow half. But their plan was not only foiled by the fact that the camera picked up every word that they said, but also because they were so afraid of being “gay” that their transfer ended up being so obvious that it’s just hilarious.

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Povlick: We’re going to have to be gay for a second… It’s nasty bro, I’m telling you.
Boff: I know.
Povlick: Do you want it?
Boff: Try to suck some of your saliva off of it and I will.
Povlick: Oh my god. You’re sick… I’d swallow them if I was you, dude… Don’t suck on them, swallow ’em homey.

I love that after Boff basically offered to save his friend’s life by swallowing some of his meth for him, Povlick was still so disgusted by the idea of kissing another man that he made fun of Boff for doing it. Ohhhhhhhhhhhklahoma, your meth dealers crack me up.