Strap in, folks. This story is Spring Breakers meets Empire, with extra insanity. Last night, a woman named Aziah, who goes by @_zolarmoon on Twitter, told an epic 150-tweet tale about Hooters, strippers, murder, and life itself.
The whole thing has, mercifully, been put on Storify and screencapped, because it’s too long to recap; Aziah’s first since-deleted tweet reads, “Okay listen up. This story long. So I met this white bitch at Hooters. I was her waitress. She came in with this old ass big ass black dude.” From there, we get “I put that sh*t right in my bra” and “the fiancé right next to them wit a gun in her lap” and “I got a collect call 4 days later from a jail in Las Vegas.”
Other memorable lines:
-“So when they finished he gave her $100. I said ’jess, u sellin puss for $100???? P*ssy is worth thousands. U trippin’”
-“the club had HELLA rules which I’m not use to (Ima full nude typa bitch)”
-“I looked at her like she wasn’t speaking English & i said ’im not gone beat yo ass rn bcus u already in bad shape.”
Twitter has already started casting the movie.
Margot Robbie – Jessica
Ving Rames- Z
Olivia Pope- Zola
Jake Gyllenhall – Jarrett pic.twitter.com/lQTu66bVPP— Waiting to Oxtail (@ThatDudeMCFLY) October 28, 2015
Is the story real? All Aziah has said is, “That wasn’t even the story in full accuracy OR the craziest one I have,” but even if she made it up, Twitter has been having fun with it (despite the dark subject matter).
https://twitter.com/byisikalu/status/659291837417549824
https://twitter.com/ddaappoo/status/659283320472260608
https://twitter.com/alexmalloyy/status/659405582965874688
https://twitter.com/brazillmatic/status/659398723122929664
https://twitter.com/microsoft42/status/659276637289213953?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw
the signs as the charachters in zola's story are:
aries: z
taurus: the backpage ad zola made
gemini: jarett
cancer: the trap phone— vampire workday (@imbobswaget) October 28, 2015
I’M RAPT Y'ALL. This must be how literary bros feel when reading something by David Foster Wallace. https://t.co/D2p1qRdBo3
— Saeed Jones (@theferocity) October 28, 2015
https://twitter.com/dstfelix/status/659339551694024704
https://twitter.com/WalleLawal/status/659306206276788224
Zola’s story had:
-character development
-plot twists
-atmosphere/tone
-racially diverse cast
-passed the bechdel test
— Becky G (@isaac_pdf) October 28, 2015
Read the whole thing here.
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