8 NBA New Year’s Resolutions

01.05.09 9 years ago
Stephon MarburyThere’s something for everybody! Even you Steph…

Every week I get this pamphlet in the mail – which usually makes its way from my mailbox to the top of the can without ever being opened. But this week, I decided to crack it on my way up the stairs. Among some other not-so-tight articles about the economy, and how to make a better turkey sandwich, there was something about the Top 8 New Year’s Resolutions that Americans set for themselves.

Turns out, NBA teams and players are a whole lot more like regular Americans than you’d think…

8. Get Organized – Though this works for your scatterbrained sister who needs constant reminding to do even the most simple tasks, it’s pretty good advice for the Warriors right now. Though they recently sent the Celtics to back-to-back losses for the first time this season, this organization is still a mess. First, Stephen Jackson leaked a story about how Baron Davis wanted to be a knight in shining armor and return to fix everything at ORACLE. And as soon as that came out, BD shut the rumor down. Now, the team has resorted to bringing their five-year, $50 million man, Corey Maggette off the bench. That doesn’t sound like much of a solution.

7. Volunteer and Help Others – We could all use a reminder to exert our energy for the betterment of society. But there’s no one who needs to hear that lesson on repeat more than Stephon Marbury and Jamaal Tinsley. Even if the Knicks and Pacers are the reason that Steph and Tinsley have been exiled, both of these guys could try to do something worthwhile with the checks that they’re cashing for sitting on their couch and watching TV.

6. Learn Something New – For crying out loud, this was written for Tony Allen. TA plays on one of the two best teams in the League, but every time he checks into a game, he has complete tunnel vision – dude can only see the rim. Allen is obviously quick and athletic. If he’d just learn how to pass, he could actually contribute.

5. Get Out of Debt – The Knicks got a head start on this resolution. They’ve been restructuring their team so that they’re now under the $100 million mark for this season, but they’re not in the clear yet. Donnie Walsh is still trying to make moves, as he’s explored sending David Lee to Denver and to Portland to better New York’s chances in the 2010 sweepstakes.

4. Enjoy Life MoreBrandon Roy and Nate McMillan have basically been begging Greg Oden to take this New Year’s resolution on. But the Big Unhappy hasn’t broken through yet, as he still has only one 20-10 game this season, a 22-and-10 performance against Golden State in November.

3. Quit Using SubstancesMario, Darrell, and Josh, this one’s for you.

2. Be a Better Person – Is karma catching up to KG? His bullying antics have pissed a lot of people off, and now he’s getting some of the blame for the Celts’ dropping four of their last six. Last night was Garnett’s worst game of the season, a 6-point, 9-rebound outing against the Knicks, in which he hit 1-6 shots.

1. Lose Weight – America’s No. 1 resolution also carries weight in the NBA (pun intended, sorry). Eddy Curry was clamoring about how he wanted to play, but dude still can’t run 94 feet at a time. Jerome James is more focusing on chicken wings in the locker room than anything else, even though he’s also been on the “I Wanna Play!!” brigade. But this isn’t just limited to the Knicks’ bench. Stan Van Gundy and George Karl could seriously benefit from a lifestyle change in ’09 too!

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