So then what happens? I mean, where the hell can this movie even go from there?
Oh, it goes. Like a friggin’ rocketship. But before we get to that, I think I need to backtrack to fill-in a couple areas. Hang with me for a sec.
First of all, the agent is a sleazeball. I gave you the candy-coated highlights so far, but by this point in the movie he has also (1) withheld the entire amount of Mr. Go’s $300,000 salary from young Wei Wei, telling her that she will only collect once he fulfills his entire obligation to the team; (2) started negotiating $100 million contracts with two Japanese teams for Mr. Go’s services behind the backs of just about every person who has trusted him; and (3) hidden information about Mr. Go’s severely damaged knee, going so far as to slap the doctor who performed the physical and threaten his life multiple times. (Actual dialogue: “I have to report this.” “Report what? That your body swept up from the Han River? Or that your entire family died in a house fire? Is that what you want?”) Other than that, really great guy.
Yeah. Second, remember those shady Chinese loan sharks I mentioned at the beginning? They show up at the circus intent on collecting their debt one way or another, which they do by kidnapping that other gorilla — the one Wei Wei’s grandfather brought in to be a pitcher — and selling its services to a different team in the Korean league. This gorilla is named Zoraz and is super aggressive. Zoraz and Mr. Go do not like each other.
Oh, also the Doosan announcers always explain Mr. Go’s actions on the field by saying “If you watch NatGeo…” like they’ve been DVRing every gorilla show they can find to sound knowledgeable, and one time a pitcher walked Mr. Go by refusing to pitch and getting the umpire to call balls due to “the 12-second rule,” and everyone in the stands, including the team’s executives, responded by heaving bananas onto the field in frustration.
That seems unprofessional, no?
Okay, this brings us to the dramatic conclusion. You won’t even believe it. There is so much happening here. Let’s do the next part with bullet points. Bullet points will help.
- Mr. Go’s team is just starting the playoffs against Zoraz’s team, and they are in big trouble without him stepping in to hit emergency bombs, especially since Zoraz routinely cracks 100 mph on the radar gun and throws so hard that his catcher flies to the backstop on almost every pitch. Also, the Bears get to play every game of the series at home because the other team’s stadium is “under construction.” I was going to point out how ridiculous this is, but then I remembered this is a movie about two baseball-playing circus gorillas facing off in a Korean playoff game, so… Moving on.
- Mr. Go’s knee injury has flared up something fierce. He’s laid up in makeshift hospital set-up in the agent’s condo with the poor doctor from earlier trying to treat him in secret, and in danger of losing the leg entirely because … of reasons. It’s a little unclear. The long and short of it is that they jack him up on morphine and bring him to the stadium unconscious.
- If Mr. Go’s injury is discovered it will destroy any chance he has of signing the big contract that will allow Wei Wei to open Circus of the Sun.
- The negotiations with the Japanese teams have hit a snag, what with Zoraz showing up and the agent refusing to agree to a physical, for obvious reasons. In fact, one of the teams actually signs Zoraz during the game. The agent responds to this somewhat poorly…
… until the other team literally hands him a blank check and waives the physical so they don’t get left behind in what has essentially become a gorilla-based arms race in Japanese professional baseball. I repeat: Mr. Go is a good movie.
So that’s where we are, say, mid-eighth inning of this playoff game.
So then the owner and GM of the Korean team come charging into the locker room to find out where Mr. Go is, and discover him passed out on a table, injured as all hell. They’re super pissed, and they actually call the cops on the agent to report him for fraud. During the game. While a second gorilla is pitching.
Before the agent is hauled away, his heart grows three sizes — Grinch-style — and he decides to write $1 million on the blank check from the Japanese owners and give it to Wei Wei to start her circus, which kinda seems like piling fraud on top of fraud. Eh, in for a penny, in for one million illicitly obtained dollars given to a child, I guess. Blank Check taught us this.
Look, that’s nice and everything, but hasn’t it been a long time since a gorilla hit a home run here?
About to get to that. As all that other stuff is happening, Mr. Go rises from his medically-induced slumber and makes his way to the field for the Bears’ final at-bat, over the doctor’s objections, to face Zoraz. (For what it’s worth, Zoraz has ripped off his jersey and is now mowing batters down butt-naked during a playoff game. I can’t believe Brian Wilson never tried this during his Giants heyday.) The problem is that he can’t plant on his right leg to generate power, and the leg brace that was supposed to provide support flew off his knee and fell apart after his second feeble swing.
Yes. He turns around mid-at-bat to hit left-handed for the first time in the movie, and then this happens on the next pitch…
Hang on. Haaaaaaaang on. Did he just hit that baseball so hard it exploded?
What do you even do when a live baseball explodes during a game?
Terrific question. Apparently, according to the Korean baseball rulebook that exists in this movie’s universe, the team in the field has to scramble around and collect every piece of the disintegrated ball and tag the runner to make an out.
So Mr. Go has to race around the bases on one good leg to try to score before they find all the pieces, and it looks like they — and I do mean “they,” as each player on the team has a handful of baseball shrapnel — tag him out just before his hand reaches home plate. THE BEARS LOSE!
But. BUT. Just then umpire spots a small piece of the ball laying on the infield. They missed one! BEARS WIN!
Good Lord, that was an emotional rollercoaster. I’m glad it’s over.
Guess what, though…
It’s not over because GORILLA FIGHT.
Zoraz goes insane and starts attacking everyone by whizzing baseballs at them, and when the agent and Wei Wei rush onto the field in the bullpen cart to try to calm Zoraz down, Zoraz chases them, knocks the agent unconscious with a 110 mph heater on the dead run, and proceeds to flip the cart over. That’s where Mr. Go steps in, as you can see in the GIF, and starts whupping ass. It’s amazing. And remember, this happens on the field at the end of a playoff baseball game that was decided by a walkoff inside-the-park home run in which a circus gorilla hit a baseball — thrown by a different, evil circus gorilla — so hard that it practically vaporized on impact. Lot going on here.
The headline in the next day’s Korean newspaper? “Playoff Game Ends In Gorilla Skirmish.”
Not enough playoff games end in gorilla skirmishes.
No argument here.
Anyway, the movie ends with a flash forward that shows us two things: First, the agent, fresh out of jail, swings by Wei Wei’s successful Circus of the Sun, where he is immediately tackled and ticked by a now-healthy Mr. Go. It is adorable. But second, and much, much more importantly, the shady loan shark shows up at the zoo where Zoraz now lives and hucks a football into the gorilla enclosure. And Zoraz picks up the football. THEY APPEAR TO BE TEASING A FOOTBALL-BASED MR. GO SEQUEL IN WHICH ZORAZ THE EVIL GORILLA BECOMES A QUARTERBACK. I THINK THIS MIGHT END UP BEING THEIR AIR BUD, YOU GUYS. HOLY SH*T.
I need to see that football movie. Anything else you wanna add in closing?
I dunno. Wanna see another GIF of Mr. Go hitting a dinger?