The best part of watching Dirk Nowitzki throw out the first pitch at a Texas Rangers (via this video, courtesy of The Last Angry Fan) game isn’t his massive jorts that could house a family of five or his general gangliness, but the idea that Nowitzki cannot comprehend balls that travel in a straight line. A bounce pass goes down, then up. A shot goes up, then down. In Dirk’s case, extremely high up, then down. A baseball is supposed to go from your hand to the catcher’s glove in a point A to point B exchange. Dirk’s brain can’t process that, and he just throws it at the sky.
But hey, it wasn’t that bad (when you compare it to John Wall or Mariah Carey, at least) and Dirk could’ve thrown the ball at Nolan Ryan’s junk and gotten a standing ovation from any group of 10 or more in Texas. The Rangers went on to defeat LeBron James and the New York Mets 105-95.
(The pitching was really, really bad.)