One of the great blessings of my life is that I was a child before digital cameras and a teenager before YouTube. That means there are not 500 pictures of me naked in the bathtub on my Mom’s Facebook page, and that every dumb thing I decided to do on video wasn’t publicly archived for the enjoyment of the world. YouTube user DaftTonks seems to enjoy filming herself singing Ke$ha songs, and while there is nothing inherently wrong with that, her Boston Bruins-themed parody of “We R Who We R” has just exploded onto the Internet with exactly the right mix of bad singing, bad ideas, and fat kids.
I urge you to avoid the HEY TEENAGE BITCH HIT THE SALAD BAR YOU BITCH thing YouTube commenters have a tendency to do, and instead focus on the true star of the video, a kid identified only as “Antony.” Antony steals the show with his Biggie Smalls-style flow, and I think he’d be our next breakout Internet star if DaftTonks had bothered to sync up their performance to the music. The rushed, bated-breath tone of the song certainly hurts its impact. A wag of the finger to the producer!
But yeah, I’m pretty happy to be a guy struggling for success online instead of someone thrust into it against his will. I just want to be Brandon, not “Bruins Kid” or “hockey song fail girl.” At least now I know who to root for in the Stanley Cup Finals.