Burnsy's Bad Advice: Ranking Your Fantasy Football Quarterbacks

By: 08.01.11

The Emma Stones

These quarterbacks are attractive but they probably won’t carry you without a solid supporting cast. And yes, I realize how Simmons-esque that sounds but screw it, I like posting pictures of attractive females to anchor my mundane ramblings on NFL QBs.

6) Peyton Manning – I wouldn’t draft Peyton Manning this season unless he came at great value after the first two rounds. I’m sure he’ll have solid numbers and will be dependable all season, as the Indianapolis Colts will have to fight the whole way. But I don’t have much faith in Indy’s running game, and at 35 Manning is going to start slipping. You could even argue he already has. But maybe I just have an ill regard for the guy who just handcuffed his franchise with a $90 million guaranteed contract.

7) Matt Ryan – There is no reason that this shouldn’t be the season that Ryan jumps into the top tier. Everything would seem to indicate that he’s primed, what with Roddy White ready to become the best receiver in football and the addition of Julio Jones. And, you know, Tony Gonzalez and Michael Turner. But we’ve seen QBs suck with equal talent (looking at you, Matt Leinart) so Ryan’s going to need to earn that spot up top. Still, he’ll be good for some big games.

8) Matt Schaub – I think I’m being too generous here, but with Andre Johnson and Arian Foster involved I will still give Schaub the benefit of the doubt. But this is the last time. I want an injury-free season with MVP numbers and a trip to the playoffs already, or I’m putting this guy on the Fantasy PUP – Poopy Useless Poop – next season.

9) Ben Roethlisberger – If the Pittsburgh Steelers had signed Plaxico Burress, Ben might be in the top tier, but they didn’t so he’s not. Hell, I probably wouldn’t have thought too highly of him even then. It’s hard to tell how the Steelers’ offense will work. On one hand, Rashard Mendenhall, who thinks Osama Bin Laden got a bum rap, is a work horse and about to hit his prime. On the other hand, Mike Wallace is the best deep threat in the league, which should make Ben considerably better. I guess the offense is just too balanced, which is good for the Steelers but sh*tty for your fantasy team.

10) Tony Romo – Another guy I wouldn’t even touch with your draft picks, Romo is about one more uninspired season away from being an afterthought. He has great weapons at his disposal – if Dez Bryant can pull his head out of his ass and his pants up – so Romo should be successful. Then again, that’s assuming you think he’s a good QB, which many people don’t.

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