We Like To Think It Happened Like This: Delonte West Finally Got A New Job

By: 09.30.11  •  4 Comments

INT. – Delonte’s bedroom.

Delonte West is preparing for his first day at his new job, as he cleans his bedroom after eating a hearty breakfast. His girlfriend, with whom he goes steady, is in the shower.

Delonte: “Yo G-Boo, I’m gonna be late for my first day. Make sure to lock the door behind you and don’t wake my moms. I am super excited for today. I’m going to make all sorts of new friends and have so many crazy adventures. Better be on my way!”

Delonte: “VROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! VROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! RATTA TAT TAT TAT! SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH! All right, I’m here with time to spare. I’m the best new employee ever!”

INT. – Regency Furniture Showroom, Downtown Baltimore

Delonte is greeted by the store’s manager and his new boss, Mr. Jergensen.

Mr. Jergensen: “Hello, Delonte, we are very excited about having you join our staff. We’re all big basketball fans and think that your celebrity status can really add something to our store’s character and prominence here in Baltimore.”

: “Mr. Jergensen, while I am saddened that you are not Doc Rivers, I am also happy to have me here. However, I must tell you now, that I am a serious artist and do not wish to use my status as a basketball superstar to gain any favor here. I want to work my way up from the bottom and earn the $3.6 million that I will make this year.”

Mr. Jergensen: “Um, Delonte, we’re not paying you $3.6 million to work here. You’re going to make $9 an hour to start through your 90-day probationary period.”

Delonte: “Yo, Dr. J, my probation is way longer than 90 days.”

Mr. Jergensen: “Actually, Delonte, I meant to ask you about that. Obviously we hired you so we could get the free PR, but what exactly were you arrested for?”

Delonte: “Solid Q, son. As I wrote on my application, it was all a misunderstanding.”

Actual application. Seriously.

“Yo, this is Delonte West, buy this bedroom and knock boots.”

Delonte: “You see, I was riding around town on my motorcycle, armed with three guns and the police pulled me over. ”

Mr. Jergensen: “So what was the misunderstanding?”

Delonte: “They wasn’t supposed to pull me over! Haha, give me 5, Dr. J!”

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