“Suck For Luck” Power Rankings: Week 4

By: 10.04.11

"Hug me, Grumpapotamus."

6) Seattle Seahawks (1-3) – Hey, the Seahawks may be terrible, have invested their next few years in a terrible QB, and wasted a draft pick on their backup QB, but at least Pete Carroll likes to hug. Everyone needs a good hug.

7) Arizona Cardinals (1-3) – Beanie Wells ran for 3 touchdowns in Arizona’s loss to the New York Giants, who I will talk about soon enough with their bullsh*t win. But with Wells finally coming around, Fitzgerald producing as he always does, and Kevin Kolb starting to really get it, at what point does Rod Graves or Mike Bidwell pick up the phone, call Philadelphia and ask for Asante Samuel for a draft pick or two? Quit being so shy and just call.

8) Denver Broncos (1-3) – I don’t want to pour salt on the wounds of Broncos fans, but I really enjoyed John Fox f*cking with them this week. Playing Tebow for one snap and saying, “Oh well, didn’t work” was such a phenomenal STFU moment. He’s going to love telling that story to the Div. II college team he’s coaching in two years.

9) Jacksonville Jaguars (1-3) – If the Jaguars get Blaine Gabbert a top receiver taller than the average Smurf, he could have a really solid career. You know, in Los Angeles. But I found this field issue in Jacksonville to be rather appropriate:

(Hint: The field arrows are backwards.)

(Via Yahoo!)

10) Carolina Panthers (1-3) – Is anyone else feeling the fantasy football angst and bitterness of Steve Smith’s resurgence? I had him for two terrible years and now this happens. Also, good job by DeAngelo Williams getting that contract and not having to play well.

11) Philadelphia Eagles (1-3) – Look, we all know the season is far from over and teams have come back from worse starts. But this is really enjoyable for those of us who wanted to throw a padlock at Vince Young when he called this a “Dream Team.” So Eagles fans, I know you’re stressed and pissy, but just know – it gets better.

12) Cincinnati Bengals (2-2) – I predict that the Bengals will be hanging tough with a 5-4 record, when a piss drunk Carson Palmer shows up to team facilities on Tuesday morning in Week 11, claiming he’s ready to play. I just need that humor in my life.

13) Cleveland Browns (2-2) – Is Colt McCoy the most underrated quarterback in the NFL? I say yes. I also thought about it less than other things like, “What does Nancy Grace’s nipple really look like?” and “Courtney Stodden was born a man, right?”

14) Dallas Cowboys (2-2) – Fox Sports spent the Sunday pregame slobbing Tony Romo’s heroics from Week 3 before the Cowboys blew a two-touchdown lead in the 4th quarter against the Lions. I assume this video sums up most Cowboys fans’ feelings:

Ah, that’s some good parenting right there.

(Via Black Sports Online)

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