Best: Rob Van Dam Calisthenics, coming soon to VHS
Extend that hallway walk to an hour, slap it on an RVDDVD, and include a pilates ball and replica X-Division belt and I will so totally buy that when it’s $5 during a blowout sale on TNA’s website.
Worst: Everything else RVD does in this show
I don’t want to keep Worst-ing RVD, but goddamnit Rob. Just go hang out in your garage and get high with Sabu and Rey Mysterio while playing with your vintage arcade game that was on your episode of Fake Wrestler Cribs or whatever that was and let Kenny King Royal Flush everyone in the X-Division until TNA comes to their senses and just drafts as many great wrestlers out of ACW as possible to throw graps at each other without dumb storylines and my heart explodes because wrestling.
A perfectly cromulent Best: Joseph Park’s Lineage
Did you know that his great-great grandfather Jebediah Park almost beat George Hackenschmidt in a game of fisticuffs once? I think we can all agree that these segments, as wonderful as they are, could be even better if we all sat down over a nice cold glass of turnip juice to hear more stories from the Park Family Tree.
Worst: Come pay us money to let Danny Davis be a dick to you
I know that when it comes to sports psychology, tough love and negative reinforcement are employed to increase perfectionism and a students need to please. Personally, I don’t care for all of this bashing of Joseph Park. I know Danny Davis is supposed to get the point across that Park is a bad wrestler except when he sees blood because Abyss yadda yadda wanking motion, but to put things in perspective Mr. Davis, Joseph Park, Esq is not stupid, he is a lawyer, and your accomplishments include giving the world a wrestler named The Proctologist. I can only assume the Eugene gimmick came not from WWE creative, but years of Nick Dinsmore believing Davis’s intimations that he’s mentally retarded.
Best or Felony: Bobby Roode
I seem to get a lot of flack and shocked comments about my feelings on Bobby Roode. Last night while I was grocery shopping, I happened upon a package of entirely crustless white bread. Ladies, gentlemans, spam bots, that singular bakery item perfectly sums up how I see Bobby Roode. So either Bobby Roode has picked up a coke habit none of the dirt sheets have gotten wind of, or he has been practicing emulating the best of what he can find when searching “funny eighties wrestling promo hogan warrior lol.” I would be remiss, nay, it would be ROODE of me not to point out that whatever it is, it’s working, and I am enjoying his segments more than I have ever enjoyed him before.
Really, both theories could be correct, and he is basically living in this promo:
Wrestlemania 20: The Rock and Mick Foley promo by RatedREdgeHead316
I can smell what The Rock is cooking. It is meth, and someone should call the police.