The Best And Worst Of TNA Impact Wrestling 1/24/13: Park, Park, & Park

By: 01.25.13

Worst: I can’t believe I just laughed at a Jessie segment

Soo….technically this should be a best, however I am still reticent to accept that anything involving Jessie Godderz but not involving the Robbies could be funny. I have watched Big Brother with my mom for years, and despised every appearance of Jessie with every fibre of my being. For some reason, he has appeared on Big Brother a lot. That said, his use of a Velvet Sky action figure to motivate Tara before her commercial for Bellator championship match was one of my favourite parts of the show. “You are the TNA Knockouts Champion. She likes dead pigeons or something.” “You look phenomenal and are phenomenal every single time you go out there. She’s small, tiny, and plastic.” STOP IT I AM TRYING TO HATE YOU NOT BE AMUSED AND MOTIVATED TO DO STUFF.

Best: Fine, I’ll call you Bad Influence if you keep doing stuff like this


Worst: Tazz turns heel, stays on commentary

Seriously, Tazz turns heel and we still have to listen to him on commentary? Really? Even as a heel he still makes no goddamn sense. We still have to listen to a long-form commercial for Bellator, because somehow a countdown clock so you know when to change the channel isn’t enough of a reminder. We still don’t get anything but the briefest mentions of the Knockouts match going on because Tazz has to further explainabrag about now being a member of Aces & Eights. I mean hey, it’s not a great match, and watching Velvet Sky wrestle is like watching someone dance while they’re counting the steps in their head, but still. He can’t even insult his former commentary compadres properly. He insists that Todd knows nothing because he’s only been here for a cup of coffee. When Mike Tenay pipes up that he’s been here for longer, Tazz…confirms that he’s been here for a long time. OUCH! Steady employment burn! We should find out what time visiting hours are, because he just sent Mike Tenay to the non-insulting factual BURN WARD.

Worst: “Bellator – that’s some cool stuff, huh?”

No Tazz. No it’s not.

Best: Joseph Park, because of course he’s a Best

You want to get me excited about a series of taped shows that don’t include the World Champion because he’s made some severely poor life decisions and gotten arrested for them so he can’t travel outside of the country? Yeah, this is the way to do it. I want to watch Joseph Park compete. I want to watch him get that “W.” I want to hug him if he wins. I want to hug him if he doesn’t win. I want to compare passports, because my Canadian passport has a unicorn on it and I know he’d appreciate it. I want Joseph Park on my television every week because he makes me the happiest, and I want TNA to recognize that this is what well-thought out storylines featuring non-offensive attitudes get you.

Now pony up a Joseph Park t-shirt and take my money or get the hell out.

Worst: The X-Division

Kenny King is obviously exempt from any worsting, but come on. This isn’t a tag match, playa, this is the entirety of your X-Division. We’ve got RVD, brought to you by the year 1998 and the one place in that strip mall that still does airbrushing, as the X-Division champion. Hey, remember when Zema Ion was X-Division champ? Yeah, that’s not a thing that should happen again. Kid Kash isn’t even around anymore, and how terrible do you have to be to make me wish Kid Kash was in this match?

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