If I were a professional baseball player and was accused of using performance-enhancing drugs, I would probably want to do everything within my power to clear my name and save my reputation. And if I was actually guilty of using PEDs, whether or not the public knew it yet, I would want to do everything within my power and the power of an entire team of PR people to make people think that I’m an absolute saint. Most notably, I would stop spending every night with strippers and Playmates, and I would adopt a bunch of puppies and bring them with me everywhere.
That’s why I think Milk Bone was on to something back in 1993 with its series of trading cards that featured baseball then-biggest stars with their beloved dogs. Among the players in this series were noted steroid enthusiasts like Mark McGwire and Rafael Palmeiro, as well as Brady Anderson and Larry Walker, who represent a legion of “Yeah, probably” guys. And I’m not trying to be a dick and accuse people, but I just assume that all of these guys were on juice back then, thanks to Bud Selig’s “Eh, whatever” policy.
My point is that any time a baseball player is busted for PED use now, he should be required by league policy to adopt a dog. Hell, Alex Rodriguez would probably save every homeless canine on Earth by next week.
(H/T to Old Time Family Baseball)
- Geek & Sci-Fi