Texas A&M football punter Drew Kaser’s Twitter bio currently features the hashtags #1shot1kill and #shakeandbake, so if somebody came up to you and said “what do you think Texas A&M punter Drew Kaser is doing this weekend,” you could probably piece it together. It would involve red Solo cups, hunting rifles and not updating your favorite movie quotes in 10 years.
Regardless, a local newspaper asked Drew what his plans were for the Aggies’ first away game weekend, and his response was suitably #shakeandbake: he plans to drop bombs.
That confused me a little because I think I know what “dropping bombs” means, but none of my definitions seem to work. Urban Dictionary has six entries for drop bombs, so I’m going to see if any of those work.
Warning: Urban Dictionary is weird.
This is the proper, Eminem-approved definition of dropping bombs. Can Drew Kaser spit hot fire? Is his plan to hit up karaoke after the game? Are we gonna get Drew Kaser’s rendition of ‘Bonfire?’ More importantly, does Fayetteville, Arkansas, have a burgeoning hip-hop community I don’t know about?
Verdict: Nope, not what he means.
It makes sense, right? But then again it doesn’t, because he’s the punter. How can you drop punt bombs? Your appearance in the game by definition suggests that your team has failed. LOOK AT THIS GREAT FEAT, I KICKED THE BALL ABOUT AS FAR AS SOMEBODY COULD PASS IT AND NOW THE OTHER TEAM HAS IT.
Verdict: Also not what he means, unless he’s using the royal “your” to mean “my entire team.”
This is ABSOLUTELY what he means. But why would he tell that to the newspaper?
Verdict: Somebody needs to watch that cautionary episode of ‘Dawson’s Creek’ again soon.
Same as #3. Of course he’s going to drop bombs, but it’s not pertinent sports journalism.
Verdict: Not what he means, but subconsciously what he means.
College guys always mean this, right? They could say “I need to run to the store,” and “run to the store” is code for kicking somebody’s ass. Being the punter still suggests that he shouldn’t be macho-posturing, but he could be saying that the Aggies are going to collectively “drop bombs” on the Razorbacks in this way. Or he’s saying he’s gonna shit on their chests, I dunno.
Verdict: This is probably what he means.
Verdict: Urban Dictionary probably did not need two “it means pooping” definitions.
The Final Say: I guess the best answer is the most obvious one: he plans to KICK ASS this weekend, and he’s a white guy in college so he has to say it in the most obnoxious way possible. Alternately, he’s gonna drop a bunch of ecstasy and take a bunch of dumps. Either way, awesome reporting, The Newspaper.
I want more like this!
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