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The Dugout: John Axford Accurately Predicts The MTV Movie Awards

By 03.10.14
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Last week, Cleveland Indians pitcher John Axford shocked the world by going 18-for-18 with his Academy Awards predictions, calling everything from a Best Picture win for 12 Years A Slave all the way down to the winners for Best Editing and Best Costume Design. The man knows his stuff.

Once you have familiarized yourself with Axford’s bulletproof understanding of the film industry, please read the follow-up conversation, aka today’s Dugout.

The Dugout

 

**Online Host**
Welcome to the Cleveland Indians Bullpen Chatroom!

 
KluberLang: Great job going 18-for-18 on your academy awards picks, johnny, that’s the coolest thing to happen in Cleveland in like 65 years  
TJHouseOnThePrairie: WHAT’RE YOU A PRECOG OR SOMETHIN  
HorseKetchup: I played with a precog in San Diego. Tommy Medica. He can hear shapes!  
EverythingIAxford: it wasn’t that hard, guys, didn’t need to be a einstein to know “uptight sci fi by acclaimed nerd director” would win a bunch of awards and “movie says slavery was bad” would win the rest  
EverythingIAxford: the other stuff was just me paying attention, like ‘let it go’ winning best song. have you talked to a child in the last year  
TJHouseOnThePrairie: THAT OWL CITY SONG FROM THE CROODS WAS ROBBED  
EverythingIAxford: oh my god is that a thing  
KluberLang: look, I think it’s pretty suspicious that an Indians pitcher could do something successfully … what’re the chances you could do it again?  
KluberLang: no, no … the 2014 MTV Movie Awards are coming up next month, and if you’re a true student of film you’ll be able to replicate your performance there.  
KluberLang: basic science  
TJHouseOnThePrairie: OH FLIP WE JUST STOPPED BEING POLITE AND STARTED GETTING REAL  
EverythingIAxford: do you have a list of nominees or do i have to tweet hashtag nominees at deez underscore nuts MTV so they’ll get shaun white to tout them to me  
KluberLang: nope, got them right here, I’ve been refreshing ONTD_awardzbitches all afternoon  
HorseKetchup: Should we be practicing baseball?  
KluberLang: first up, Best Picture, although they call it “least ratchet torrent”  
EverythingIAxford: alright  
KluberLang: the nominees are 12 Years A Slave, The Hunger Games: Catching Fire, The Mortal Instruments: City Of Bones: The Search For Curly’s Gold Part 2, the Justin Timberlake ‘Mirrors’ video and a Doctor Who episode from seven years ago about the Weeping Angels  
EverythingIAxford: hmmmmm  
HorseKetchup: do children care about slaves?  
TJHouseOnThePrairie: CHILDREN DON’T CARE ABOUT ANYTHIN OR ELSE THEM CROODS WOULD’VE BEEN NOMINATED  
EverythingIAxford: welp Jennifer Lawrence is probably the biggest star MTV can get now that Will Smith has turned into the black Don Knotts and they’re gonna want the awards simulcast on Tumblr via captioned GIFs, so I’m picking The Hunger Games  
Outmander: is Macklemore featuring Ryan Lewis going to be at the show at all  
KluberLang: next category, Best Actress  
HorseKetchup: what do they call that one?  
KluberLang: Queenest Bitch  
EverythingIAxford: also JLaw, unless Beyonce was in a movie  
EverythingIAxford: as an important aside, Beyonce is the new Chuck Norris … the minds of babies, gay men and lonely 20-something caucasian females default to BEYONCE IS GREAT SHE HAS DOESN’T HAVE A CHIN SHE HAS ANOTHER FIST UNDER HER BEARD at all times  
KluberLang: the next category was Best Beyonce but I guess I’ll skip that one  
KluberLang: Best Kiss, aka “most liked mouth selfie,” your nominees are JLaw and Whoever in The Hunger Games: Catching Fire, The Slave and The Calendar Maker in 12 Years A Slave, Jonah Hill and a Fart Monster in Hollywood’s 70th Attempt At Making Jay Baruchel A Star, and Kevin Hart and Ice Cube in Ride Along  
EverythingIAxford: JLaw  
EverythingIAxford: put me down for “JLaw” for every category featuring JLaw, the mtv movie awards are gonna be on jezebel the next day so hard  
Outmander: Macklemore featuring Ryan Lewis is probably my favorite new act some people say I look like him or one of them or both  
HorseKetchup: Justin Masterson just got ran over by a lawnmower, we should probably pay attention to the game …  
Outmander: he is a great artist and not mean and vain like all other rappers  
KluberLang: up next is best musical performance  
TJHouseOnThePrairie: THE FOCKEN CROODS  
KluberLang: … but since this award features music, it won’t be shown on MTV  
EverythingIAxford: i see what you did there  
KluberLang: yep, I am hilarious  
KluberLang: last award is the hashtag “this could be us but you playin” award, but the nominees are Will Smith, Grumpy Cat, 12 Years A Slave and hashtag True Detective Season 2 so I legitimately have no idea what this is about  
EverythingIAxford: you just aren’t down with the youth culture, doge will do a run-in and much win  
TJHouseOnThePrairie: WOW  
Outmander: I have his haircut under my hat  
EverythingIAxford: don’t come at my 100%, bro, i wasn’t playing  
KluberLang: all right, well … think you can do it with the Kids Choice Awards?  
EverythingIAxford: “child i have never heard of who makes me feel old and disconnected from society” wins all awards  
KluberLang: shit  
Photos link to player info. The Dugout

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TOPICS#MLB
TAGSACADEMY AWARDSBaseballCLEVELAND INDIANSCOLT HYNESCOREY KLUBERJOHN AXFORDJOSH OUTMANMacklemoreMTVMTV MOVIE AWARDSpredictionsTHE DUGOUTTJ HOUSE

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