Best: Mark Henry’s Back
Yeah, I know, Mark Henry’s back doing uh, stuff for a while, but it’s been bald, bland happy Mark Henry. Smackdown saw the temporary return of the real Mark Henry. Angry Mark Henry. Loud funny words shouting Mark Henry. Trim and in shape as I can remember seeing him Mark Henry.
This match didn’t last long, but it was probably the best Roman Reigns singles match to date. It was certainly the most satisfying. Henry’s offense was succinct and impactful instead of sweaty and sloppy (as it sometimes is) then Roman Reignsed up, hit an impressive feat of strength and got the decisive win. Like I said, satisfying.
Oh, and if Mark Henry is feeling his oats again, let’s get a Henry/Rusev thing happening now. Some possibly racist Bulgarian’s wig needs splitting.
Best: The Most Heated Feud In WWE
I really should stop enjoying this Hornswoggle/Torito thing, but dammit, I can’t deny the joy they bring me. I mean, yeah, aspects of the feud are problematic, but all the guys involved are talented (or Jinder Mahal) and they’re busting their asses and, well, it works! Okay? It just works!
It helps that this is the most heated feud happening right now in WWE. I mean, what else is going on? The Wyatt/Cena shitfest? The Shield/Evolution thing is good, but it’s the two coolest teams in the company trying to out-cool one another. Not that much raw emotion there. I suppose Kane is trying to murder Daniel Bryan and Brie Bella, but they sell Kane’s attempts to drag them to hell as more annoying than terrifying. Like maybe Kane trying to slaughter them might make them late for the 9:30 movie or something.
Hornswoggle, on the other hand, f–king hates Torito — the second he sees him he’s screaming about ripping the bull’s face off. These two murdering each other with tiny adorable props was the most violent match on WWE’s annual ode to weapon violence. This is how a feud oughta be done just, you know, with extra short jokes.
Worst: Almost Like a Scene Out of a Horror Movie!
Hey, did you know Kane doing parking lot sit-ups on Raw was almost like something from a horror movie? Michael Cole confirmed it around a dozen times on Smackdown! I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised WWE seems to only have the vaguest notion of what a horror movie is — this is after all the company that produced See No Evil, No One Lives and The Chaperone (well, okay, they got pretty close with that last one).