The Best And Worst Of WWE NXT 5/15/14: This Report Is Recyclable

Pre-show notes:

– Here’s a link to this week’s show on WWE Network, and one for Hulu Plus.

– We’re halfway through our retro Best and Worst recap of NXT season 2, so check that out. There’s a kissing contest coming up, and you know that’s gonna be classy.

– Follow us on Twitter @withleather, follow me personally @MrBrandonStroud and like us on Facebook.

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Please click through for the Best and Worst of WWE NXT for May 15, 2014.


Best: I Thought The Guy’s Name Was ‘Buddy Herpe’

I love how utilitarian the “yah” chants have gotten. With “yes,” you know what you’re getting. A positive answer to a question, an emphasis on a strike or a celebratory exclamation. It can’t really go anywhere else. “Yah,” though, “yah” can go anywhere.

“Yah” has already evolved to match “yes.” It’s an emphasis on Konnor’s strikes in the corner (in the korner?), and when he’s done, the crowd chants “one more yah!” It’s a celebratory exclamation, and you can get creative with it. You can hear the crowd chanting “this is yah-some” at the beginning of the video. It’s also now a response, as seen in the Ascension’s post-match promo where the crowd is dead silent until they’re done making a point so they can do a big, pirate-style “yahhhh!” in agreement. Love that.

It’s also become a virus that infects other chants around it. This is yah-some should’ve been a heads up. El Local and Kalisto wander out to make a challenge (because they won one match) (against Sylvester LeFort) and try to get their “lu-cha lu-cha lu-cha” over. It should’ve worked … people loved chanting it during their debut, but NOPE, the crowd’s just going YAH YAH YAH YAH over it. Yah is a fun disease!

Worst: Let’s Maybe Never Let El Local Talk Again

Oh man, suspension of disbelief goes out the window when El Local opens his mouth. Dude might as well have challenged the Ascension with “DAMAS Y CABALLEROS, ALBERTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.”

Also, fantasy booking: WWE should just dress Kalisto up like Rey Mysterio and bring him up as “Rey Mysterio Jr.”

Best: Let’s Ask The NXT Universe What They Thought Of El Local’s Promo

Okay, I guess that doesn’t work with NXT.

Best: ‘Sup Veronica Lane

Three things:

1. More film noir character names, please. Bring back John Morrison with an Alan Ladd gimmick.

2. Sami Zayn continues to be the most likable person in wrestling by greeting the new backstage interview lady without being a creep, listening to her questions and answering them honestly. I can’t overstate how much “being a human being” makes me like a wrestler. There should be a bunch of crazy people and cartoon characters too, but always one or two guys I can live my life through vicariously.

3. I like to think Veronica got this gig because Devin Taylor’s currently tripping balls on the Exotic Express.

Worst: Is Alexa Bliss Still Bleeding?

Or does she just have terrible oral hygiene? Don’t neglect your gums, Alexa.

Worst: Alexa Bliss vs. Charlotte

The first semi-finals match in the NXT Women’s Championship tournament was kind of a stinker, and I feel bad about it. I like Charlotte. I think she’s improved tremendously since her debut, and she’s very good at being a living, breathing character in the ring. She’s also got good size and muscles, which more professional athletes pretending to be fighters should probably have. Muscles or fat, one or the other. I’m also into Alexa Bliss. She’s got a unique look and is extremely easy to cheer for, either because of her underdog stature or because I’m a boy. Either way, I’m down to see her thrive and succeed.

This was a total squash for Charlotte, and that wouldn’t have been bad if she’d just squashed her and been done with it. Instead, it’s like they performed the match, didn’t like it, decided to re-tape it, then edited them together without checking for overlap. Everything felt like it happened twice. Two abdominal stretches with the same theatrics and the same pinfall reversal. Two backbreakers, etc. It’s probably a bad idea to put these two in the ring on television for more than two minutes if neither of them has a built offense. Alexa’s only offensive move is “pinfall attempt.” Her big highspot is a 450 feint that isn’t really dodging anything and gets no crowd response. Charlotte should’ve shown up, f*cked up her Christmas and called it a night.

Also a problem: neither of these women were Bayley, and the other one wasn’t Sasha Banks.

Best: Tyler Breeze Knows The Science Behind Canadians

Every time Tyler Breeze gets to speak is perfect. This week’s highlight, discussing Tyson Kidd and Sami Zayn as “championship material”:

“First off, you guys are both CANADIAN. It’s scientifically proven that Canadians lack the proper DNA to be super good-looking. It’s a country full of Michael Ceras.”

BOOM, ROASTED. The joke, of course, is that Tyler Breeze’s real name is “Mattias Clement” and he is the most Canadian dude of all time. Maybe one day they’ll reveal Breeze as a self-loathing Canadian lying about his past Don Draper style, and that’s why he has seasonal residence.

Worst: I Am The LEADER Of The Guys Who Aren’t On Raw!

Fantasy booking: Tyson Kidd vs. El Local in a Quiet Game match, where the first one to speak loses.

Again, Tyson, you’ve been in WWE since 2006. Three years longer than Daniel Bryan. You signed when Umaga was around. The same year The Miz debuted, and he’s already four years past his prime. People can say they “expect big things” from you, but unless you’re planning to be WWE’s next breakout Diamond Dallas Page, you might want to stop calling yourself the leader.

Worst: I Know That’s A Terrible Picture, But I’m Not Gonna Go Back And Watch This Match Again

One of the saddest thing about being a wrestling fan who truly loves the wrestling part of it is that most people who are really great at it are there to make the ones who aren’t look better. Bottom line. The reason WWE rallied against pushing Daniel Bryan so hard wasn’t because they “weren’t listening to the fans” or whatever, it’s because Bryan’s job isn’t to be the BEST, it’s to be the SECRET BEST so he can make marketable dudes like Sheamus look like a billion dollars.

Aiden English is really good at pro wrestling. He’s great in the ring, he’s got a weird look, he’s got an amazing character and on and on. Mojo Rawley is an ex-football player who gets really excited and hits you with his asshole. Which one do you think is gonna get tasked to put over the other?

So yeah, I’ll give it a Worst because I’m a wrestling fan and not head of NXT creative (…yet), but I understand. It’s depressing to watch Aiden English get his sternum lightly grazed with a spandex-laden taint and die from it, but if poor White-us O’Neil doesn’t have a bunch of talented dudes eat shit for him we’ll never know if he’s worth the investment. Psychotic, I know, but guys like The Rock and Hulk Hogan are essentially proto Mojos … guys who may or may not have a developmental disability who DESTROY EVERYONE.

Worst: Oh Great, The Ninja Turtle Is Back

NOPE.

That referee’s face says everything I could possibly type.

Best: Brandi’s Reaction To Angelo Dawkins

She eventually remembers to smile because she’s on television, but the first 10 seconds of her watching Dawkins pretend to be Tracy Morgan is “what is this motherf*cker doing?”

Note: Hey WWE, if you’re reading this, just start calling her “Brandi Rhodes.” It’s frustrating to see her always credited as “Brandi Rhodes aka NXT’s Eden,” especially when Brandi Rhodes is already a worked name. Rhodes is a better name, gives her a LAST name (which every wrestler should have, unless their name is “Kalisto” or whatever) and is way more prestigious than “we skimmed a list of baby names and didn’t want to call her NXT’s Sophie.”

Best: CJ Parker

Three more things:

1. Where. Is. En. Zo. Amore.

I refuse to give any future Big Cass match objective consideration unless a little dude in leopard pants is nearby saying things that make my heart sing.

2. The best part of the match is when CJ Parker shows up in the crowd for no reason, holding a sign that says “NXT – No Xtra Toxins” on one side and “This Sign Is Recyclable” on the other. Glorious. He doesn’t really do anything either, he just walks through the crowd and leaves. He should’ve jumped in the ring and beaten both guys to death with it, yelling WHERE IS ENZO AMORE??

3. The other best part of the match is when the announcers try to put over how tough Angelo Dawkins is for “still being in there” or whatever, and Byron Saxton is all HE’S ON THE GROUND, WHAT’S IMPRESSIVE ABOUT THAT? Nothing. Nothing is impressive about Angelo Dawkins. They should have him start running around in circles and call him Black Mojo.

Worst: Who Is Naming These Moves?

Cass wins the match with “East River Crossing.” Charlotte won her match with “Bow Down To The Queen.” Mojo won his match with “GREETINGS FROM ASBURY FART.”

Best: The Face JBL Makes When Asked To Read

WE LISTEN TO AUDIO BOOKS ON THURSDAY NIGHTS MAGGLE

Bo Dallas stops JBL from … texting? in the hallway, telling him that before the triple threat match takes place there’s something he needs to see. He then presents him with a small handful of loose paper, announcing it as “letters from the Bo-lievers, from all around the world!” There’s a brief discussion of the Bo Dallas hotline, and JBL gives Bo his final shot at glory: a match against Big E where if he wins, he gets a title shot, and if he loses, he validates all those “Bo Dallas is coming to Raw and Smackdown” videos playing for the last month on Raw and Smackdown.

If Bo’s gotta go, give him the grand sendoff.

Best: Trip-le Threat, Trip-le Threat

Unsurprisingly, the triple threat main-event between Sami Zayn, Tyson Kidd and Tyler Breeze was really good. I’m glad we’ve apparently sent Corey Graves back to his home planet so Sami can wrestle great wrestling matches and not have to sell wacky head injuries to justify him losing to one of the Tunnel Snakes.

I’m not sad with Tyson Kidd winning, either, because Breeze and Zayn have so much career ahead of them, and with Kidd you’ve either gotta shit now or get off the pot. Besides, a Neville/Zayn or Neville/Breeze championship match don’t need random match stipulations to built to … they are characters that truly exist within the NXT Universe, and aren’t guys who used to be on Raw showing up to “prove themselves” or whatever. Note: Cesaro is not considered that kind of guy, because he is Cesaro.

I also love that the match ended with an elbow drop. I know Tyson’s used a variation of that as a finish before, but I wasn’t expecting it. It made the match feel truly unpredictable, like one of those video game triple threats where you toss a guy to the outside and lock on an armbar or something 25 minutes in to get the Breaking Point submission. Or when you hang somebody upside down in the tree of woe to escape the cage. It felt smart, and instantaneous. Much better than a convoluted exchange of finishers, at least.

Let’s Ask The NXT Universe What They Thought Of This Match:

Okay, maybe it works.

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