The title of that poorly-made photoshop is “ZP3” and it was made in a rage of jealousy so insanely blinding that I’m glad I didn’t shatter Screech’s mom’s Elvis bust on the ground. Chris Paul celebrated his 29th birthday back on May 6, but he either just received a present from someone or couldn’t contain the joy that he’d been holding back over a present that he received last month. Either way, just like the rest of blue-blooded American males who grew up watching TV in the 90s, Paul has always had a crush on Kelly Kapowski (Tiffani Amber Thiessen) and that’s why he referred to this specific present as “easily one of the best Bday gifts” of his life.
The present? A framed 8×10 photo of Kelly Kapowski-Morris, signed by Thiessen herself. Needless to say, Danger and I are incredibly jealous, but we got over it quickly by recasting the Clippers as Saved by the Bell characters. Blake Griffin is Slater and JJ Redick is Screech. Donald Sterling is Miss Bliss, because he’s gone.