Oh no, UFC hit us with another double-header day! UFC Fight Night 48 is coming from Macau in the (Royston) Wee hours of the morning, while UFC Fight Night 49 is our punch-man night cap. Let’s get right into the predictions, and holy cow, please let me make better predictions this time.
The morning shift begins at 9 AM ET on Saturday with the Michael Bisping and Cung Le main event, while the Fight Night action begins at 7:30 PM ET for the Fight Pass prelims before Benson Henderson takes on Rafael dos Anjos.
Important Standings of Note:
UFC FIGHT NIGHT 48 PICKS!
Bantamweight – Royston Wee vs Zhikui “The Conqueror” Yao
Jessica: The good part about these China cards is the no-name mega scrubs filling out the undercard. It’s always a bunch of dudes with backgrounds in “sanda” which is much a martial art as English shin-kicking. Yao’s one of those dudes, and I’m only picking Wee because I’ve seen him before. Wee takes this by second round submission.
Burnsy: After last week\s humiliating performance, I’m going to throw zero thought into this huge mess of fights. So, Yao.
Vince: Wee, as in weeeee, let’s pick fights none of us know anything about! Wee is 3-0and Yao is 1-1. A 1-1 fighter. I consulted my magic 8-ball and it said Wee. As in WEEEEE, LET’S RAIL ANOTHER 8-BALL AND MAKE SOME PICKS!
Bantamweight – Elizabeth Phillips vs Milana Dudieva
Jessica: Nemanya! Phillips lost to Valerie LeTourneau (Down for What), so I’ve got some tiny doubts in my head about her. Dudieva is an OPLOT veteran (One fight in the organization before they militarized still bestows veteran status, right?), so I’ve got to go with her. Dudieva wins by decision.
Burnsy: BRO? No, Dudieva.
Vince: Never heard of Dudieva’s opponents, while Phillips dropped a split to LeTourneau. LeTourneau is pretty decent, and Dudieva is a submission grappler, while Phillips looks like a wrestler and I imagine is hard to submit. Phillips. USA! USA!
Welterweight – Colby Covington vs Anying “Smiley” Wang
Jessica: Wang’s another random-ass sanda guy, and Covington is an All-American wrestler, so I imagine he’s going to grind Wang into a powder and sell him on the black market. Covington takes a second round submission.
Burnsy: Colby Covington sounds like a female folk pop singer. I’ll take Smelly Wang.
Vince: Hahahahaha Smiley Wang! Anyway, in a battle of undefeated dudes, I’ll take the one who has been fighting in the United States of Obamacare. Covington. Sorry, Wang.
Bantamweight – “Stunning” Roland Delorme vs Yuta “Ulka” Sasaki
Jessica: Delorme’s a pretty decent grappler, but Sasaki is from the magical world of SHOOTO, yet his record isn’t 90% draws. That’s got to mean he’s amazing, I think. Sasaki wins by decision in what should be a pretty rad fight.
Burnsy: I don’t know what Ulka means, so I’ll go with “Stunning” Roland Delorme, even if his nickname makes no sense in terms of alliteration.
Vince: Ulka looks like a drag queen, and I respect that. However, JapanaMMA has a ways to go before I stop automatically picking the guy I’ve heard of over the JapanaMMA guy. Delorme.
Welterweight – Alberto “Soldier of God” Mina vs Shinsho “Animal” Anzai
Jessica: Anzai is either nicknamed for a crazed drummer, which is cool, or the powerhouse member of a hoss tag team, which is even cooler. Mina is trying to bite Yoel Romero’s nickname, which isn’t. Go be a Pitbull or something, pal. Anzai wins by second round knockout.
Burnsy: I am not cool with nickname thievery, you guys. It’s the No. 48764 problem plaguing MMA today. I’ll take Anzai so I can shout, “ANIMAL SMASH!” while he fights.
Vince: Animal is wearing a sweet Tarzen singlet in his Sherdog profile, which is legit, but ain’t no way I’m picking against the undefeated Brazilian.
Welterweight – Danny “The Cheesecake Assassin” Mitchell vs Wang “The Fire Kylin” Sai
Jessica: Matt Serra is also a cheesecake assassin and you can’t bet against that kind of company. Mitchell wins by first round submission.
Burnsy: Neither of these guys was impressive in his UFC debut, so I’ll take Mitchell based on his record. Seriously, that’s the most analysis I’m putting into this after predicting two whole wins last week.
Vince: Sai comin in with a less-than-impressive 6-5 record, while Mitchell has the disadvantage of being English. Tough one, but I’ll take Mitchell.
Welterweight – Lipeng “The Warrior” Zhang vs Brendan “The Badger” O’Reilly
Jessica: Zhang’s fought a list of human-like entities, while O’Reilly, despite his terribly stupid facial hair, has beaten actual fighters. O’Reilly wins by second round submission (I’m thinking a neck crank-case. You know, because O’Reilly Auto Parts?)
Danny: Zhang may have won the first season of TUF China, but that won’t do him much good here. O’Reilly didn’t set the world on fire when he fought on TUF nations, but he did show the ability to push through punishment. Zhang does not have the same toughness. O’Reilly takes this by second round TKO.
Burnsy: What if O’Reilly’s gimmick is that he comes to the octagon in a breakaway suit and tie and calls himself “The Factor”? That would be horrible, right? I’m still picking him.
Vince: I watched both these TUF seasons and remember neither of these dudes, that’s how exciting those TUF seasons were. Friggin Zhang is 7 – 7 for chrissakes, so I’m taking The Badger. Which is a sweet nickname.
Featherweight – Jianping “Tiger” Yang vs Guangyou “Smasher” Ning
Jessica: Ning is some kind of All-China wrestler, which is really damn impressive. I’m taking Ning to win by decision because Wrestling Rules Everything Around Me (I can only hope that GFK on MMA decides to throw out some picks for this double-card to make my joke even better)
Danny: Yang is the more well-rounded of the two and has more methods of attack. Guangyou will come out reckless and find himself in a bad spot. Yang by submission.
Burnsy: Tiger vs. Smasher is like an 80s video game wrestling match. If a fighter suddenly shows up as Star-Man, I will lose my shit. In the meantime, I pick SMASHER.
Vince: I remember Ning because he’s 32 and looks 45. Meanwhile Yang looks 15. I’m going to vote with my heart and not my brain and go with the old dude.
Welterweight – Tyron “The Chosen One” Woodley vs Dong Hyun “Stun Gun” Kim
Jessica: These guys are kind of similar in several ways. Both are primarily grapplers with a penchant for getting kind of gassy, and are also in love with their KO POWER. Too bad that Woodley is really stumpy, because he’s going to have nothing but a hot, sweaty, giant Dong in his face all night until he goes to sleep in the second, just like the last time Kim was in China.
Danny: I’m not sure how much closer this will get Woodley to a title shot, but it’s better than nothing (I guess). Kim is at his best when he can physically dominate opponents. Woodley is not the type of guy you can push around. “The Chosen One” takes the unanimous decision.
Burnsy: Kim’s on a tear and I’m mad at Woodley after putting a cardboard cutout in his place against Rory, so I’ll take Stun Gun.
Vince: This is tough. Woodley has the physical gifts to be the champ, but looked like absolute dogsh*t against MacDonald. Still, I have to think he has made some changes after that fight, and his power is insane. Woodley.
Middleweight – Michael “The Count” Bisping vs Cung Le
Jessica: If this fight was stated to be a number one contender’s bout, Bisping would get knocked out in about thirty seconds. Bisping has a decent chance of being lengthy to avoid Le’s T-Rex punches, but Le is pretty good at ignoring reach disadvantages and just killing dudes. Le wins by weirdo spin kick KO in the first.
Danny: Cung Le looks like he’s been hanging out with Sylvester Stallone’s nutritionist. We all love spinning shit, but it won’t be enough. Bisping weathers the early damage, but he’ll eventually close the distance and plant Le on the ground. The Brit takes the decision and finds a way to alienate a billion people on the post fight interview.
Burnsy: You know who Cung Le is good friends with? CHANNING TATUM. Game over, Bisping.
Vince: I hate Bisping so much. You ever notice how English people are feast or famine, like either coolest dude ever or biggest twat in the world? Bisping falls on the twat side. He’s a good fighter and will probably win but I refuse to root for him. I just can’t do it. I’m being a Bay Are homer and picking Cung to bring down the house with spinning shit.
UFC FIGHT NIGHT 49 PREDICTIONS!
Flyweight – Wilson Reis vs Joby Sanchez
Jessica: Joby is not a real name. Reis wins by third round submission because I’ve seen him before.
Burnsy: Joby is a worse name than Jordy to me. Reis.
Vince: Aw, I have a friend named Joby. And he’s undefeated and fighting out of team Jackson? I believe in you, Joby.
Welterweight – Ben “Killa B” Saunders vs Chris “Stump” Heatherly
Jessica: OH HELLS YES, SAUNDERS BACK IN THE OCTAGON! I really hope that Heatherly has terrible wrestling, but tries to wrestle anyways so that Killa B can just lock up that Thai plum and destroy his face with clinch knees. Saunders by second round KO.
Burnsy: I couldn’t be happier that Saunders is back. He used to work at a bar that I frequented in college, and when he made it on The Ultimate Fighter, we’d all watch the show at the bar so we could cheer him on. Obviously, this didn’t happen too much, but when he got that first win, we went apeshit. He’s a good guy (he also grew up in the festering taint of humanity known as Coral Springs like I did) and it’s great to see him fulfilling a goal that he set for himself when he was cut from the UFC the first time. Saunders gets the win, and his fans in Orlando go crazy for him again.
Vince: I love Saunders, and I think the UFC knows what a lovable bastard he is and handed him some nobody for a squash match. Saunders is going to have like seven inches on this guy (I SAID “ON”). Saunders.
Bantamweight – Aaron “The Model” Phillips vs Matt “The Crowbar” Hobar
Jessica: After what Alan Jouban did, I don’t think I’ll be picking against models any time soon. Phillips makes a successful drop to 135 and knocks out Hobar in the second.
Burnsy: I like that Hobar’s nickname rhymes with his last name, so I’m picking him for that.
Vince: I picked a model last time out and was successful, but this dude doesn’t even look that cute. Hobar.
Lightweight – Beneil “Benny” Dariush vs Tony Martin
Jessica: Two grappling aces can mean only one thing: TEPID KICKBOXING! Dariush takes a decision because he beat up Charlie “oh god no why is this happening” Brenneman and that might be a terrible reason with no basis in how this fight will play out, but that’s kind of how I pick every fight.
Burnsy: I’ll take Dariush, because Tony Martin sounds like a lounge singer and NASCAR driver.
Vince: Dariush, Dariush, will you do the fan-dang-go… He actually looked good against Nijem, pre-KO, I thought. Dariush.
Welterweight – Neil Magny vs Alex “The Dominican Nightmare” Garcia
Jessica: Are you guys ready for a shocker? I am no longer filled to the brim with horror and revulsion at Neil Magny. I still think he’s kind of crappy, but I am also willing to admit that he’s capable, at times, of doing A Cool Thing or two. He should be able to use his Dhalsim reach to beat up Garcia and take a decision.
Burnsy: Garcia is 2-0 in the UFC, including his debut win over Ben “The” Wall and the guy named after the main character on Psych, and Magny’s a guy I don’t really like. I’ll take the Nightmare.
Vince: Neil Magny just keep showin’ up, yall. Still don’t remember a single one of his fights. Tough one to pick. Garcia fights out of TriStar, but will be giving up a lot of reach to the rangy-ass Magny. They’ve both lost to Seth Baszcynski. I’ll take the TriStar guy, Garcia.
Featherweight – Chas “The Scrapper” Skelly vs Tom “Stoneface” Niinimaki
Jessica: Skelly is a Team Takedown guy, and they’ve had exactly one success story: Johny Hendricks. Skelly had a decent fight back in Orlando, so I’ll go with him to decision Niinimaki, and maybe get Team Takedown another guy who doesn’t get cut from the UFC after two fights.
Danny: This fight will be won in the clinch and transitions. That being the case, Skelly has the power and offensive wrestling advantage that will give him the decision win.
Burnsy: Chas Skelly isn’t a UFC fighter. He’s the bad guy in an 80s movie about guys who race dirtbikes to determine a high school’s hierarchy. I’ll take Stoneface.
Vince: STONEFACE. A win over Rony Yahya is nothing to sneeze at, plus I just like Finns and their crazy chipmunk chatter language rikkkilillitikkilitakklilukili.
Lightweight – James “The Texicutioner” Vick vs Valmir “Bidu” Lazaro
Jessica: Since I’m from the west Texas town of El Paso, I am contractually obligated to pick Vick. He’s gonna Texicute all over Lazaro and submit him in the second.
Danny: Lazaro has a dangerous striking game and can finish the fight at any time. That being said, he’s still unproven. Beating up people on the Brazilian circuit is like when I submitted all the kids at the local daycare. Sure it was impressive that I won 25 matches in a row, but the competition wasn’t exactly the hardest. Vick avoids the early attack, wears Lazaro down and takes the third round TKO.
Burnsy: I love the nickname Texicutioner. It’s both badass and politically incorrect, and those are two traits I love.
Vince: I’m not even looking at these guys’ records, I just wish Texans would shut up about their stupid state. Hey, Texas, no one’s messing with you, no one gives a sh*t. Lazaro.
Featherweight – Max “Blessed” Holloway vs “Cassius” Clay Collard
Jessica: I’m really looking forward to seeing how well Holloway’s 14-year old boy mustache is coming in. Collard is a super-late replacement, so I’m expecting Holloway to bust up his body and get a second round TKO.
Danny: Still not sure about “Cassius” Clay Collard’s nickname. It’s either a very bold choice, or extremely foolish. Some people might take offense at a white guy not understanding the whole Nation of Islam thing, but I think Collard is just a big fan of the Roman senator. Gaius Cassius Longinus did conspire to kill Caesar. Maybe Collard will pay someone to stab Holloway in the back. Why? Because that’s the only way I expect him to win. Holloway by first round TKO.
Burnsy: Holloway should have this in the bag. As Danny pointed out, Collard’s nickname is just… stop it. It’s like a D-League basketball player named “Michael” Jordan Smith. Although, if Peyton Manning started calling himself Walter, that would be kind of funny.
Vince: Hey, at least it’s not Cassius Clay Collard Greens. I’m going with Holloway, who was super green when he fought Conor McGregor and still did pretty decent. He can only get better, in my mind.
Middleweight – Francis “Limitless” Carmont vs Thales Leites
Jessica: Hooo boy. Carmont’s the guy with good wrestling that does nothing with it. Leites is the guy that butt-flopped against Anderson Silva. This fight gets my “urgh, why?” for having the most potential to be terrible. I’m not even expecting tepid kickboxing out of these two. Leites wins a decision because maybe that will lead to Carmont getting cut (And then he can have my dream fight against Jake Shields in World Series of Fighting!)
Danny: Carmont wins when he can force his opponents to the ground and stall. I don’t expect him to hold Leites down so easily. Carmont goes about things in a slow methodical manner. It’s given him success in the past, but he can be out-hustled. Leites does exactly that to pick up the decision win.
Burnsy: This is a tale of two trains speeding in different directions. Leites has won three in a row since making his return to the UFC, while Carmont has lost two after winning his first six UFC fights. My money’s on the positive momentum for Leites.
Vince: Leites is a bad mofo and Carmont lost to CB Dollaway. Nuff said. Leites.
Welterweight – Mike “Quicksand” Pyle vs Jordan “Young Guns” Mein
Jessica: First off, I want to say how disappointed I am that Demian Maia and Brandon Thatch had to get hurt because there were some fun fights that got scuttled. Mike Pyle has the best mullet going in the UFC, and that’s something you should never pick against. Pyle wins by decision, powered by OLD MAN STRENF.
Danny: I gotta give it to the old hillbilly. Even though Mein has more fights at only 24 years old, he’s still wet behind the ears. Pyle beats him up in the clinch, drops him with an elbow and wins by 2nd round TKO.
Burnsy: Both of these guys lost in less-than-impressive fashion against Matt Brown, and I think I was a little too hard on Mein for that. Still, Pyle’s hair is the raddest in the game, so I’m taking him based solely on the MOOOOOO-LAY, MOO-LAY, MOO-LAY!
Vince: I really like Pyle, but I gotta go with youth in this one. I have concerns about Pyle’s chin.
Lightweight – Benson “Smooth” Henderson vs Rafael Dos Anjos
Jessica: Dos Anjos got ragdolled by a Dagestani his last time out. Bendo finished a Dagestani his last time out (Shut up, I know they are different Dagestanis). So, by the properties of math, Bendo is going to beat RDA. I’m going with a decision, though, because I don’t see 2Buttz getting tapped out.
Danny: You may not like his angel wing tattoos or all his Jesus talk, but Benson Henderson is a damn good fighter. Dos Anjos will have success striking at a distance, but he’s at a disadvantage at ever other aspect of this fight. Henderson mixes takedowns and low kicks for (you guessed it) a close decision win.
Burnsy: Smooth takes the win and gets back into the title fight, because it’s best for business.
Vince: Dos Anjos keeps surprising the crap out of me beating guys like Cerrone, but I just can’t believe that Ferengi who got uppercutted into space by Jerramy Stephens (or however the hell he spells his stupid name) is on Bendo’s level. Bendo is possibly the UFC’s most obnoxious fighter, but he’s damn good. Smooth adds a feather to his angel tat in this one.