Dennis Rodman has a lot of jobs — NBA legend, pro wrestler, movie star, fashion consultant, children’s writer, diplomat and Nobel Peace Prize hopeful among them — but one thing has always been missing: “guy who has his own vodka and puts curse words in the name.”
Now, Dennis Rodman’s life is complete.
Meet “Dennis Rodman: The Original Bad-Ass Premium Vodka.” It is so bad-ass.
This is the kind of liquor that can only be explained in ALL CAPS.
FIVE CHAMPIONSHIP RINGS. ALL TIME BEST REBOUNDER. INDUCTED INTO THE HALL OF FAME. ON AND OFF THE COURT – ALWAYS A BAD ASS. WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF DENNIS RODMAN. BEING A BAD ASS IS NOT AN ALTERNATIVE, IT’S HUMAN INSTINCT. IDENTITY. LIFE.
IS A SIX TIMES DISTILLED, ALL AMERICAN MADE PREMIUM VODKA TO REALLY GET THE PARTY STARTED! WITH DENNIS RODMAN BEING THE PERFECT REPRESENTATIVE FOR A WILD NIGHT OUT AND A GREAT PARTY, OUR VODKA MAKES SURE YOU WON’T BE DISAPPOINTED WHEN YOU’RE LIVING IT UP!
YOU WON’T. If that’s not enough of a sell for you, Rodka (I’m calling it Rodka, I don’t give a f*ck) has a multi-pronged sales attack. In addition to being marketed based on its uniqueness, celebrity association and being “probably the smoothest vodka out there,” drinking Bad-Ass Premium Vodka announces to the world that you support and love THE GLORIOUS AND PERFECT LEADER OF NORTH KOREA. Not a joke.
Here’s what Rodman had to say in USA Today after explaining how he and Kim Jong Un burned through two cases the last time he visited:
“Everyone knows (President Barack) Obama drinks beer,” Rodman said. “But you know what? I’m pretty sure he does have a cocktail here or there. I’d love to see him with a ‘Bad Ass Vodka’ shot in his hand, toasting to Kim Jong (Un) and me.
“That would be awesome.”
I really hope the President has better things to do.
[h/t to GamedayR]