Look, I’ve actually enjoyed the World Cup this year. Even the scoreless games have featured a lot of drama and excitement, and I feel really bad for that Japanese bastard who missed that penalty
kid kick at the end of his team’s game against Paraguay. Is it my idea concept for sport? Hardly, but I can appreciate this tournament for what it is: a collection of great worldwide talent that, three years out of four, most of us don’t really care about.
But you can’t say that to people that actually like soccer. They get all huffy with their It’s the WORLD’s game and It’s REAL football and Soccer’s only gay when the Portuguese do it. Yeah, we get it. You like soccer. A lot. Nobody’s going to listen to your whining and think, “Wow, those are all wonderfully thought-out points. I guess I should like soccer now.”
And that’s why I loved this tweet from Brett Erlich, who hosts a couple things called The Rotten Tomatoes Show and Grand Professor of Viral Video Film School. He tweets, “Twilight’s like soccer. They run around for 2 hours, nobody scores, and its billion fans insist you just don’t understand.” That’s a burn, soccer fans. At least, it is until one of those dinky linesman puts up a flag to call offside.