How many of you can picture a barefoot Tim Tebow being forced to walk on broken glass? Come on, let’s see some hands.
The people in charge of farting out Die Hard movies have overcome the two biggest obstacles keeping them from making a Die Hard 5 — “getting Bruce Willis” and “googling ‘die phrases’ to find an old saying with the word ‘die’ in it so they can add the word ‘hard’ and pretend it’s applicable” — so 2013’s A Good Day To Die Hard (ugh) will follow John McClane to what I can only assume will be Soviet Russia to rescue his kidnapped son. The producers are trying to pull a “Shia LeBouf” by casting a handsome, action movie type to play the son and shift the franchise’s focus away from the 56-year old Willis, who first gave Hans Gruber a Hard Death almost thirty years ago. Said young person would then be the star of Die Hard 6: Live And Let Die Hard and a Die Hard 7: The Die Hard Has Been Cast.
I think you know where this is going.
The topic of Tebow came up Wednesday when Tom Rothman, co-chairman and CEO of Fox Filmed Entertainment announced the new film project exclusively on Wednesday on the syndicated sports show The Jim Rome Show, known as The Jungle.
“What do you think of Tebow in the lead?’’ Rothman asked Rome and the listening audience. Rome did not give Tebow a thumbs up.
“He might be too nice,” Rome said, referring to Tebow’s wholesome reputation. “But no one would work harder to make it work.”
I always pictured Tebow as more of the “show up ten years from now in a Lifetime movie” type, but if Die Hard 5: Die, Die Hard My Darling involves down-to-Earth homebody Tebow breaking necks in the Kremlin or swinging through a jungle of CGI monkeys, I’m there.
On a more serious Die Hard franchise note, how are we going on our third movie without Reginald VelJohnson? Better yet, why not put Carl Winslow in a Broncos jersey and let him fill in while Tebow films this one? I want to see him take a snap and run from the Dolphins defense yelling “HARRIETTE”.