Ryan Lochte Had An Eye-Opening Shopping Experience When He Learned ‘Jewish Thanksgiving’ Isn’t A Thing

10.17.16 1 week ago

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Ryan Lochte thought Canadian Thanksgiving was Jewish Thanksgiving.

There’s more to this New York Magazine piece in which the author goes shopping with the swimmer and Dancing With The Stars contestant, but why don’t we cut right to the funniest part?

Perhaps for obvious reasons, at the last minute, Lochte’s publicist decides to come along. “Work is slow,” she says. “It’s Yom Kippur.”

“What’s that?” Lochte asks curiously.

“It’s the Jewish Day of Atonement.”

“Wasn’t it their Thanksgiving two days ago?”

“That was Canadian Thanksgiving.”

This guy, man. How did his fellow Rio swimmers let him concoct the cover story for their gas station shenanigans?

There’s more to this story, like Lochte using his first credit card at the age of 32 and his plan to open a store that sells all black clothing. “Black by Lochte. Everything in the store will be black. Because you know how everyone wears black clothes? Different brands, but all black.”

But who cares about anything else besides his holiday knowledge? Like, if he chose the “Holidays” category on Jeopardy!, he goes 0-for-5, right? What other holidays do you think Lochte has confused in his head right now? Does he think Kwanza is what we call Michelle Kwan’s birthday? Does he think Labor Day celebrates the act of giving birth? I don’t even want to know what he thinks Sukkot is.

(New York Magazine)

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