… somebody just told me it’s Tuesday afternoon, so that means we’re live on With Leather for the Best and Worst of Monday Night Raw! Unfortunately we still have to decide who will win Tough Enough, so let’s just sort of stand here ad-libbing and looking at them for several minutes. Your name’s Luke, right? Like in the Bible? Good ol’ BIBLE LUKE, ladies and gemen! Do you have what it takes to be a WWE Superstar? Yeah, you KNOW you’re the best! Each and every one of them have never seen someone like you, you know you’re going straight to the top. Sorry! You lost. We’re giving it to the guy with long hair.
His hair is long, Luke, what was I supposed to do?
R.I.P. Good Ol’ Bible Luke, 2011-2011
Worst: Congratulations on Winning That WWE Game Show, Andy
The announcers made sure to say what a bright future Tough Enough winner Andy “the Slack-Jawed Yokel” Levine will have in WWE, and they made sure to repeat it a few times. That’s all well and good, except for the fact that WWE runs a WHO WILL BE THE NEXT SUPERSTAR contest almost constantly, and the last two winners (Kaval and Johnny Curtis, respectively) are slumming it against Kevin Steen at your local armory or commandingly pouring milk on themselves on Smackdown (respectively).
Also, I know I only spent a short time in wrestling school and maybe this is a “European style” thing I’m just not trained in, but I’m interested in Andy’s choice to take a flat back bump on a bitch slap, lying on the ground for what felt like five minutes, only to roll out of the ring and stammer around looking for beers and handshakes to sell a Stone Cold Stunner. Nobody wanted to sell the Stunner tonight. Andy, Miz and Michael Cole all got Stunners and all popped up from them. And I mean yeah, basically all he’s doing is making you bend over at the waist, doing a neckbreaker that takes all of the neck breaking properties out of a neckbreaker, and you could just stand up and kick him in the back instead of flopping around and dying, but PRECEDENT, PEOPLE.
And you know, now that I mentioned “precedent,” I wonder what would happen if the PRECEDENT OF THE UNITED STATES were to hold a PRESS CONFERENCE about UPCOMING PAY-PER-VIEW.