Yesterday, we shared with you the news that beloved (cough) Chicago White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen has parted ways with the organization because he couldn’t fly to Spain on their dime and wanted a bigger boat. In the Bard’s own words, by way of the Chicago Sun-Times:

“If I leave here, I will say, ‘I leave here because I want to make my [bleeping] money,’ ” he said. “You know why? Because no [bleeping] fans, no [bleeping] Jerry or [bleeping] anybody is going to take care of my grandkids and put me in a 62-foot boat. That’s why there’s free agency.’’

The Dugout has been on a brief hiatus while I was away on vacation and/or readjusting to the rigors of going to work every day in my underwear, so please enjoy this super-sized edition featuring the entire Ozzie Guillen saga, from his announcement of free agency to his Floridian journey and all the way back to Chicago, where the managers flow like wine. If you get concerned about the accents as you read, please remember how Ozzie Guillen actually sounds, and consider that I did him a favor.

The strip will be back in our regular rotation again from here on out (because baseball season being over is the best time for Dugouts, because I’m not watching baseball and things are actually happening) so be sure to like us on Facebook to keep up with the stories and drop us a comment either here or there. We’d also appreciate feedback in the form of 62-foot boats.

Today’s Dugout follows.

The Dugout

	Online Host Welcome to the Chicago White Sox Chatroom!
	OzzieOzzieOzzie: do i have any doubt abou my decision, no, i have no doubt at all
	OzzieOzzieOzzie: woul i like to sleep on it a lil longer? i slep enough, or lag of sleep
	OzzieOzzieOzzie: i’ve hay errybody else biting nailce, so i guess its time for them to stop chooing … the anser to the queshin errbody wans to know … ozzie guillien what is you decision
	OzzieOzzieOzzie: in this spring this is very tough im tayging my talence to south beach to join a miami marlins
	GitRDunn: who’re you talkin to
	OzzieOzzieOzzie: i will miss you slim jim
	GitRDunn: what
	Online Host OzzieOzzieOzzie has left the chatroom.
	GitRDunn: /strikes out
	Online Host Later …
	OzzieOzzieOzzie: c’mon come play for me in miami i no how to when
	KaZambrano: you a south side guy, ozzie, im a north side guy, what happen when fans see us play together, we will stinks in they eyes
	KaZambrano: i coul never play with you, is embarrassing, is embarrassing
	OzzieOzzieOzzie: carlos, put aside this coastal gang war for a momen an remenber one importan thing:
	OzzieOzzieOzzie: we have the same race
	KaZambrano: oh thats right ok ozzie we shoul be best frens
	OzzieOzzieOzzie: how abou you, armis, take you talence to a southern beach
	ReadOnlyMemory: ehhhh i dunno
	OzzieOzzieOzzie: you will like it, there are fish in a backstop an our uniformce will be blag an green an yellow an blue an orntch an white an teal an probly red
	OzzieOzzieOzzie: they give me so much money i buy a f**ken boat, which i put a airplang blade on the back of an speedboat into a backstop
	ReadOnlyMemory: don know, i hear miami not so gray for peoples of hispanic descent
	OzzieOzzieOzzie: haven you hear the song "welcom to miami" by willsmith
	KaZambrano: youve heard it, is the one where he say he got a prada bag with a lot a stuff in it, because he rhyme like jean-ralphio from park and re-creation
	ReadOnlyMemory: o right that’s the one about miami
	OzzieOzzieOzzie: DREMTEM
	OzzieOzzieOzzie: play for me we have a DREMTEM in miami firce one ever
	KaZambrano: ok im lebrong your dewayne wane aramis is crisbosh
	ReadOnlyMemory: no im lebron you dwangwang ozzie is crisbosh
	OzzieOzzieOzzie: fk u im no fking crisbosh crisbosh is no good, im lebron AN dwayne wait u 2 are crisbosh
	KaZambrano: /gets mad /goes to the media
	ReadOnlyMemory: /gets mad /goes to management
	OzzieOzzieOzzie: /gets mad /goes to Twitter
	Online Host Later, in the Miami Marlins Chatroom
	fLORIdA: so let me get this straight
	fLORIdA: you wanted to make millions of dollars and have a successful career managing a team full of your dominican and venezuelan friends
	OzzieOzzieOzzie: righ
	fLORIdA: so you decided to leave chicago and come play for me, jeffrey loria, on a team that treats hispanic players like dog-servants in funny jackets on the reg and treats their managers even worse
	fLORIdA: and you understand that the man you’re replacing was literally methuselah from the holy bible because the hispanic guy before him hated it and quit almost instantly
	OzzieOzzieOzzie: yase
	fLORIdA: awesome, here’s your signing bonus of four dollars and a 2 liter of mountain splash, have fun in 1000 degrees
	Online Host Meanwhile, in the Chicago White Sox Chatroom…
	KennyMoveItLikeThis: Joey, we’re going to move forward with you as manager.
	JoeCorasWild: Wow, thank you sir, that’s a great honor.
	KennyMoveItLikeThis: In Ozzie’s absence, we feel like the manager should be an infielder of Hispanic origin with deep ties to the organization.
	KennyMoveItLikeThis: We’re having a meeting about it later today, I’m texting you the info right now.
	JoeCorasWild: okay!
	KennyMoveItLikeThis: This is your moment, Joey. We believe in you.
	JoeCorasWild: Thank you sir, I won’t let you down.
	Online Host JoeCorasWild has received a text message.
	JoeCorasWild: /checks phone

	JoeCorasWild: :(

The Dugout: Bienvenido Oz Miami

The Dugout

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