EXISTENTIAL BUFFOON

Shia Labeouf steals his apology to Alec Baldwin from Esquire

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TODAY IN EXISTENTIAL BUFFOONERY Shia Labeouf recently left a Broadway production of Orphans over "creative differences" (the <a href="http://jezebel.com/5985821/lindsay-lohan-borrows-designer-dress-unsurprisingly-returns-it-in-shreds" target="_blank">producers' words</a>), with co-star Alec Baldwin.

JOURNO-PORN

Hugh Jackman has alter-egos named "Frank" and "Charles"

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<a href="http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/hugh-jackman-les-miserables-oscar-420764?page=show" target="_blank">The Hollywood Reporter</a> has a fawning and lengthy cover story on Hugh Jackman (like, reasonable fawning, not psychopathic, overwrought <a href="http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2013/01/megan-fox-compares-herself-to-aztec-sacrifice-victim-in-esquires-new-journo-porn" target="_blank">Esquire-style fawning</a>), and much of it confirms what we already knew - that Hugh Jackman is friendly and super-nice to pretty much everyone.

AZTECS

Esquire’s Megan Fox Profile is Hilariously Overwrought Journo-Porn

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Writing about Megan Fox as the modern-day Marilyn Monroe, as in, finding elaborate ways to say "people are interested in her because she's pretty," is already pretty passé at this point, so if you're going to do it, you better pontificate, hard.

ALEXANDER OVECHKIN

‘UGLY’ ATHLETES ARE VALUABLE

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One of my personal tenets about sports is that if a guy ever gets worked up about how a guy looks, he needs to step away from the TV and start looking for online courses in interior design, hair design, or.

JOURNO-PORN

WOMEN’S GOLF MAKES FILTHY HEADLINES

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<a href="http://uproxx.files.wordpress.com/2008/10/creamer.jpg"></a>I enjoy some filthy innuendo (in-your-end-o) way more than the next guy, but I don't expect sports journalists to be leaders in the industry.

MINNESOTA VIKINGS

ADRIAN PETERSON INSPIRES JOURNO-PORN

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The new GQ magazine, when not lauding <a href="http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/" target="_blank">Kissing Suzy Kolber</a> for being one of the reasons that "football is better than ever," includes a <a href="http://men.style.com/gq/features/full?id=content_7405&pageNum=1" target="_blank">feature on Vikings running back Adrian Peterson</a> written by Lisa DePaulo.

JIMMY ROLLINS

JOURNO-PORN ATTENDS PENNANT PARTIES

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Of course a Japanese player is involved.




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