Dancing With The Stars is a thing that still happens because D-list celebs need a platform to resurrect their careers. Speaking of D-list celebs, oh hey there Alfonso Ribiero, how’s it going buddy? What’s been going on with your caree—AND IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT’S GOING WITH YOUR CAREER! Just do the Carlton dance. In fact, the whole goddamn show should be one continuous loop of you dancing to “It’s Not Unusual.” And then after like three episodes, they give you the trophy.
Bada bing, Bada boom, save us all the time.
Other notable contestants include “track star” Lolo Jones. You remember her right? She’s the girl who didn’t win at that one Summer Olympic games, and then didn’t win at that other Summer Olympic games and then stole someone’s spot on the U.S. Bobsled Team and then, yep, didn’t win at that one Winter Olympics either.
And Randy Couture’s one of the contestants this season and NOPE, not saying anything bad about a 5-time UFC champion. No sir.
Here’s the complete list full of people you may have heard of and some you probably have to Google (I know I did).
Tavis Smiley-Talk Show Host
Antonio Sabato, Jr.-Actor
Bethany Mota-YouTube sensation
Sadie Robertson-Reality star