Previously on the Best and Worst of Raw: The Royal Rumble is in the books, and Raw’s Seth Rollins is your 2019 men’s Rumble winner. Also in Raw developments, Brock Lesnar’s still the Universal Champion and the tag team division is still super, super embarrassing.
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And now, here’s the Best and Worst of WWE Raw for January 28, 2019.
Best/Worst: ‘A Rivalry RENEWED!’ — Michael Cole
Raw opens with Seth Friggin’ Frick Rollins cutting a goodhearted promo about his Royal Rumble match victory, and pretending he’s got to make a hard choice between Daniel Bryan’s WWE Championship or ridding Monday Night Raw of Brock Lesnar forever and finally claiming the Universal Championship, which has eluded him since it was introduced to be handed to him back in 2016.
He’s interrupted by the future Bruce Willis version of Dean Ambrose, Triple H, and they’re both interrupted by the Joseph Gordon-Levitt version of Dean Ambrose, Dean Ambrose. I like that Ambrose addresses the fact that Rollins used to have Triple H’s help to win all the time, even if they didn’t make that very clear in the actual HHH/Rollins interaction. I don’t think they lean hard enough on the history between these two, whether it’s the “Kingslayer” stuff from WrestleMania 33 and the Shield turn/redemption arc, or the fact that if we’re moving past all that and observing the interaction as “real life,” NXT is Triple H’s precious baby and Seth was the first NXT Champion.
Anyway, some fun-ish interaction between the three sets up a match for right here tonight, as Promo Parades do. Rollins and Ambrose are a weird combination because despite clearly having a ton of chemistry together — those dope Shield six-man tags wouldn’t have ever worked if they didn’t have great chemistry — it never seems to translate into their one-on-one matches. The TLC match from last month was legendarily bad, but even their better stuff on PPV or weekly TV has never been anything to write home about.
I had a completely different bunch of paragraphs to write about this until I woke up on Monday morning and saw the report that Ambrose had actually given his notice to WWE over the weekend and will be leaving when his contract’s up in April. Last night I tweeted that Ambrose “sold that stomp like he didn’t want to work there anymore,” and, uh, well …
It also makes this more interesting:
After the match, Ambrose attempts to make a “serious” announcement to the live crowd — possibly the fact that he’s quitting, or at least some hint about it to explain why he won’t be around after WrestleMania — and gets interrupted by Intergender Wrestling Superstar Nia Jax. When Ambrose gets momentarily distracted by Tamina, Jax punches him in the back of the head and knocks him out of the ring. The Lunatic Fringe then makes some “why I oughta” gestures before peacing out to the back. It was … interesting?
The backstage promo from Ambrose on Dot Com makes it sound like they might be doing a “battle of the sexes” thing between Ambrose and Jax, which I’m sure will have lots of stressful connotations for why he’s reportedly leaving and ruin at least 3-5 comments sections on this site. We’ll have to wait and see, I guess, but “Dean Ambrose vs. Nia Jax, Jax wins and Ambrose leaves the company” might be the most truly random WrestleMania rumor in history. And this is a show where “Big Show’s having a sumo battle” and “Snoop Dogg is going to sit in a throne and then save a woman from her emotionally abusive boyfriend” are things that have happened.
There’s a brief idea that Daniel Bryan’s going to actually be part of the show and factor into Rollins’ WrestleMania decision, but all we see of him is this backstage bit where he and new pal Erick Rowan are confronted by Charly Caruso and her bad-ass shoulders about what happened at Royal Rumble. Bryan’s “talk vegan to me” shirt is the highlight, but this could’ve been taped last night and nobody would’ve known the difference.
Join us Tuesday night for Smackdown to see if this pairing gets a good reason to exist beyond “we don’t wanna do the hammer brothers anymore,” and to see if Rollins ate Chinese food after Raw and continued his wonton destruction.
This all culminates in The Decision. Paul Heyman promos about how Rollins should pick Daniel Bryan, because of course he should — the match would rule, and at least the ugly WWE Championship looks like a class ring instead of Lord Zedd from Power Rangers — and Rollins shows up to punch Lesnar in the face. Lesnar, being the level-headed philanthropist that he is, seeks to make this right by picking up Seth and throwing him at the goddamn ground six times.
I’ll be honest, I’m hype for Rollins vs. Lesnar at WrestleMania. I think they’ve compliment each other brilliantly, from Rollins actually competing with Brock’s speed to make everything look high octane and impactful to Rollins’ banana-body sell of the F-5. He makes that thing look devastating, and all six of his sells were slightly different. And don’t forget about the 2015 Royal Rumble, where Lesnar and Rollins wrestled Cena and got a Match of the Year out of it. I’m hoping this’ll be everything they wanted the Lesnar/Reigns matches to be, without any of the pre-Crisis Roman Reigns hangups.
Now that we’ve got all of that out of the way, let’s get to the important part of this week’s episode: Jeff Jarrett.
Serious Question: Is ‘With My Baby Tonight’ Really The Cultural Touchstone WWE Thinks It Is?
I mean, I know all the words to it because I’m a crazy pro wrestling loser robot, but is a New Generation Milli Vanilli country music gag from almost 25 years ago involving a pre-Road Dogg Road Dogg and Jeff Jarrett really a tentpole of nostalgia?
This was such a strange segment. Elias shows up and tries everything he can to turn heel again and get the crowd to boo him, and they just roll with it and cheer him anyway. He’s like, “you’re all rancid piece of shit and I hate you” and the crowd responds with “PIECE OF SHIT, PIECE OF SHIT, PIECE OF SHIT.” I’m paraphrasing, but you get what I’m saying. So that brings out Jeff Jarrett, who has never been a huge babyface in WWE and spent most of this century as the proprietor of a rarely-named oblivion where Kurt Angle and Sting wrestled, to hit him with WCW slang from 20 years ago (“slapnuts”) and call him out. This brings out the Road Dogg, and Dogg and Jarrett perform a song neither of them knows all the words to, despite it being the only song either of them has ever recorded.
This sets up Elias getting heat (?) for interrupting the song and attacking them. Jarrett fires back with the best looking punches seen on WWE TV in years, but ultimately gets El Kabong’d again. So in the year of our lord 2019, when the wrestling industry is simmering from the heat and about to erupt, we’re (presumably) building to a match between a heel Elias and a face Jeff Jarrett. Brother, I don’t even know.
But hey, January’s almost over, so now we can confirm that WWE’s master plan to turn the ratings around in January ended up being Jeff Jarrett, Hulk Hogan, and too many general managers. So, TNA. Their big plan was “be more like TNA.”
Note: Seriously though, have Jarrett teach a seminar at the PC on how to throw a worked punch. You shouldn’t be allowed to have a Something Bomb or Something Driver until you know how to throw a big-ass Memphis-ass haymaker.
Best: Renee Young Dance Party
Between this and that clip of her dancing to ‘In My Feelings’, Renee Young is reaching Stephanie McMahon levels of adorable white mom dancing. About a 60% chance somebody tried to teach Jarrett and Road Dogg how to floss before they performed.
Best, With A Little Worst: The Edgelords
Man, even The Revival’s wins feel like losses these days.
The Top Guys have reached the Very Bottom, and have a match against the reunited “Edgeheads,” Curt Hawkins and Zack “Zach” Ryder. It’s prefaced by a really great video retrospective on Hawkins and Ryder, referencing the time they won the tag titles and even bringing up the MAJOR BROTHERS, which I never expected to see on WWE TV again. The crowd is really into Hawkins finally getting a win, which is great to see, even if I know the only logical story here is, “The Revival loses to Curt Hawkins on pay-per-view.” Sorry, “on the pre-show of a pay-per-view.”
The Rev actually win this one, which is nice, but they’ve got the same kind of general malaise Dean Ambrose and AJ Styles have been working with lately. Still, at least they look like actual wrestlers and are involved in some semblance of a story the crowd can be interested, and aren’t just the nondescript jobber team we’re supposed to laugh at every week because they love wrestling.
Also Best: I’m Good Enough, I’m Smart Enough, And Doggonit, People Rawley Like Me
The match is followed by one of the most promising bits from this week’s show: Mojo Rawley cutting an intense promo about how forgotten and worthless he is thanks to a person slightly off-screen, which is revealed in a pan to be [gasps] a mirror. A couple of years ago we learned that Mojo’s got incredible mic skills when he’s allowed to be serious and read a pre-written script from a hassled third-grader, so refocusing and rebranding him as a serious threat with some serious words is an A+ decision. JUSTICE FOR MOJO RAWLEY, who deserves all the love Zack Ryder still gets from people for some reason.
And before I forget, congratulations to the personality-warping NXT Oculus for finally getting called up.
Worst: This Depressing Middle Of Raw
It wouldn’t be Raw without some segments to make you feel bad, and the middle of this week’s show delivers two big ones. The first is Baron Corbin pinning Kurt Angle clean, which could be the beginning of an interesting story for dying gunslinger Angle, but mostly just spotlights how sad it is to see him and his Red Dead Redemption sneak posture in the ring in 2019.
Not sure what this is leading to, but it contains WWE’s favorite thing of the week: a heel humiliating a babyface, winning, then going back into the ring after the match to humiliate them some more. You saw it at the Royal Rumble with Brock Lesnar and Finn Bálor, and here it is again with Angle and Corbin.
AND HERE IT IS AGAIN WITH FINN BÁLOR
Yeah, here’s poor Finneas cutting one of those “I lost badly, but I got in some good shots, which basically means I won” Triple H promos about Brock Lesnar (which is fine if you’re trying to save face) only to immediately get shit-kicked again, this time by Bobby Lashley. It was certainly content for an episode of Monday Night Raw. Finn Bálor, the unfortunate man who does UN-fortunate things!
And since no Raw is complete without multiple Baron Corbin segments … still, somehow … Corbin shows back up to ruin the Battle of the Monsters Without Momentum, Braun Strowman vs. Drew McIntyre. This is the kind of match layout where I actually want to sit the producer down and ask them what they were trying to accomplish, because it certainly doesn’t help Strowman (because he got his ass kicked again, which has kinda been the running theme of his character for the past several months), and it doesn’t help McIntyre because he needed BARON CORBIN to win the fight. I could push up my glasses and be a smug know-it-all about how wrestling TV works when I don’t have a fucking clue, but for real, what are we doing? Which one of these three is supposed to look tough and cool?
Best (But Actually Pretty Bad): Women’s Tag Team Championship Qualifiers
We got two Women’s Tag Team Championship qualifiers for Elimination Chamber, and while neither of them was very good, matches with observable consequence beat matches without 9 out of 10 times. Up first was the better of the two, pitting Nia Jax and Tamina against Mickie James and Alexa Bliss, hindered only slightly be a pre-match promo where James tries to call her opponents ugly, compares them with the championships to “lipstick on a pig,” and brings up all sorts of unfortunate Piggie James memories.
I get that they’re trying to keep the characters consistent, and I appreciate that, but I’m also wondering who we’re supposed to be cheering for in any of the qualifiers. Obviously Nia Jax is supposed to be the most boo-able person on the roster and Tamina couldn’t get cheered if she lived in Sam Malone’s bar, but Alexa Bliss is a routinely evil talk show host and former authority figure teaming with a lady who thinks they should win because the other team is ugly.
Then in the other match you’ve got the Riott Squad, who are basically an evil gang from The Warriors, taking on stalwart chaotic neutral Natalya and Dana Brooke, who is an on-screen heel every time you haven’t forgotten she exists. Also, the plot of the match is, “Dana Brooke is terrible and Natalya wishes she wasn’t teaming with her.”
Tamina and Nia win when Nia destroys both of her opponents at once — a good strategy when your tag team partner is Tamina — and the Riotts win when Dana Brooke fails to contribute anything positive to her team. The Elimination Chamber for the belts is Sasha Banks and Bayley’s to win in a total lay-up, unless the presumed Smackdown squads who’ll be in the match like Absolution and the IIconics suddenly become the Nasty Boys and Public Enemy.
Worst: Oh No, Ronda
Finally we have Ronda Rousey, who is not great with criticism in any form, getting completely shook by a crowd booing her and forgetting the words to her promo. Bayley interrupts to save it, and I want to formally note how sad an in-ring promo performance you’ve had when Bayley shows up to make it better.
This sets up a match between the two, which would be really good if, again, Rousey hadn’t just gotten completely derailed by an unexpected crowd reaction and visibly forgotten the entire thing. Total early Roman Reigns here, before he figured out how to sound like a human and not let the crowd get to him.
I’ve seen some positive feedback for this match online, but to me, it looked really clear that Ronda forgot everything she was supposed to do, and Bayley had to walk her through it. There are so many moments, especially early, when Ronda’s just kinda sitting on the ground talking to Bayley while Bayley makes aggravated faces and tries to walk her through it. It’s the first actually bad Ronda Rousey match.
Bayley deserves a lot of love here, though, because once she starts treating Ronda like a mannequin and wrestling the entire match by herself, it gets better. To Rousey’s credit, I think she collectively gets his shit together as the match progresses, which is so fortunate, because the post-match stuff is meant to anchor the goddamn WrestleMania main event.
Best: Man Alive
The best news is that nobody’s going to remember that match or pre-match promo in a month or two, but they’ll remember the awesome, intense exchange between Rousey and Becky Lynch when it was done. The pop Becky gets for showing up unexpectedly made it feel like I was watching wrestling in the ’90s again, which is maybe the biggest compliment I can give her. Back in the day, even popular jobbers would get thunderous reactions. Nowadays you can’t get some crowds to cheer a Daniel Bryan vs. AJ Styles WWE Championship match. Becky Lynch commands attention.
Watching her remain coolly confident while Ronda got madder and more shouty was perfect, and a beautiful illustration of why someone like me’s going to boo Ronda and cheer Becky. Ronda’s still shook, but she’s adjusted it to work for the story, and the dynamic between a true veteran who’s been shit on for years before finally breaking through and a star from another sport who quits careers every time something bad happens is compelling as shit. This was one of the best X vs. Y “hit your mark for the PPV video package” promos they’ve done in years, and I’m all about it. These two deserve that WrestleMania main event spot, and I can’t think of a better image to end the last year on than Becky posing on the ropes with the Raw Women’s Championship while Ronda stumbles to the back holding her arm all cry-faced.
I love that Ronda’s gone complete Dragonball villain in her promos, though. “I WANT TO BEAT THE BEST VERSION OF BECKY LYNCH THAT HAS EVER EXISTED! I HAVE THE ABILITY TO KILL YOU WITH MY BARE HANDS WITHOUT EVEN BREAKING A SWEAT AND THE ONLY THING STOPPING ME IS MY DECISION NOT TO!” ARE YOU READY NOW TO WITNESS A POWER NOT SEEN FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS?
Best: Top 10 Comments Of The Week
Redshirt
Smackdown opens with Rollins receiving 486th consecutive F5.
Not A Crook
Seth, with his dying breath: “i….pick….ciampa”
Pdragon619
Lesnar beat Finn so bad you’d think he was trying to take over Bullet Club.
Endy_Mion
While you were learning morality, mortality, math, and how to calculate ages, I was learning armbars! — Rousey
Amaterasu’s Son
Becky’s evolution into Stone Cold continues as she now has a knee brace.
troi
I want Bayley to turn heel but not know how to do it so she just buys sarcastic t-shirts from Hot Topic and says out of context swear words
DenseMan1
Vince: A lot of people disagree with Daniel Bryan’s beliefs, such as they are. Quite frankly, I’m a Lutheran. And my understanding is that we worship a guy who nailed his feces to a door.
Steph: Uh, Hunter?
HHH: Shh, I wanna see where this goes…
Baron Von Raschke
TJP: Kneebar….but….that’s my move!
Vince: Who are you and why are you in catering?
TJP: Why are YOU in catering isn’t the show going on right now?
Vince: Tell you what, kid…I won’t tell if you won’t tell.
Mr. Bliss
Ronda should have stood silently, soaked in the boos and said “This is my yard now.”
The Real Birdman
Best version of Becky Lynch? Toss up between this one and the river dancing one
But no, seriously, let’s take a minute to remember how far WrestleMania Main-Eventer Becky Lynch has come since her NXT debut.
Thanks for reading, as always. You can help us out by dropping a comment below to let us know what you thought of the show, and by sharing the column on social media. If you’re always skipping this section and never sharing, don’t be mad in a couple of years when the only Raw reports you can find are move-by-move recaps followed by “best match I’ve ever seen, 1.78 stars.”
WAIT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING, WHY ARE YOU STILL DANCING
STOP IT YOU’RE BEING WEIRD
