Kellyanne Conway Says She Would Choose Death Over Having Sean Spicer’s Press Secretary Job

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Trump Counselor Kellyanne Conway, who famously invented the Bowling Green Massacre to justify Trump’s Muslim ban, has become well known for her evasive press tactics. She turned “alternative facts” into a household term, and she addresses this and more during a New York profile written by Olivia Nuzzi. Basically, Conway claims that alternative facts are not lies but different ways to arrive at the same conclusion, as in “two plus two is four. Three plus one is four.” Yes, she’s still (proudly) full of it.

The most climactic moment of the piece (although there a few more that we’ll mention) arrives when Conway, who Nuzzi likens to a “glamorous mosquito,” doesn’t hold back while criticizing the White House’s handling of the Michael Flynn-Russian ties scandal. However, she recoils and issues a graphic response when Nuzzi asks whether she’d want to do the press secretary job, should Sean Spicer ever get canned:

Leaning on her desk, she looked at her iPhone, with its giant font and banner alerts, and noticed that news had broken that Flynn had extended an apology to Pence. She mumbled the headline aloud. “Hmm,” she said. “Did we really need to put that out there?” She ate a few pieces of cinnamon-flavored Orbit, the gum of choice of Sean Spicer, who’s technically the public face of the new administration, though Conway was first floated as an obvious pick for press secretary. Asked if she would ever want his job, she rolled her eyes. “Slit my wrists, bleed out, put cement shoes on, jump off the bridge, and then I’ll take the job — are you kidding me?”

If you haven’t read the piece, it’s a highly entertaining voyage. Throughout, Nuzzi addresses Conway as “Blueberry” because that’s Conway’s Secret Service code name. If you’ll recall, Conway is one of few Trump associates who have a detail, which was announced around the same time that she punched a man at an inaugural ball. She’s scrappy, but the threats are overwhelming, although Conway makes pointed mention of how difficult it is to have no privacy. And she gets candidly graphic again:

At the airport, she said, “all I wanted to do was get coffee and pee. I definitely can’t get coffee if I don’t pee — trust me, I gave vaginal birth four times.” But who wants to bring a guard into a public restroom? “Oh my God, there’s no privacy! It’s crazy, it really is crazy.” And it can get complicated. “I have two friends, who both — well, one is Ann Coulter. She started dating her security guard probably ten years ago because she couldn’t see anybody else.”

So there you have it, some unsolicited information about Ann Coulter’s dating life. The rest of the profile digs into the remarkably deep White House roots that Conway has managed to lay down in just over a month. She discusses her “walk-in privileges,” which means that she’s one of only a few people who can barge into the Oval Office at any moment. Her influence on the president remains remarkably high, and Conway says that about 85% of what they discuss won’t ever be revealed. (Plus, the New York Times reveals that her husband may soon nab a key DOJ position.)

The effect of all of this access and influence, curiously, is that Conway has managed to capture the role — “functional First Lady of the United States” — that many assumed Ivanka Trump would take in the absence of Melania. Ultimately, however, Nuzzi (who trailed Conway for weeks to write this profile) admits that few people manage to hold Conway’s on-air “bullsh*t” against her while meeting her. She manages to charm everyone, which means she’ll be in the White House as long as her boss stays. Still, it’s good news that she won’t ever be press secretary. Spicer already provides enough of a near-daily circus.

(Via New York)