21 Jump Street Will Be Rated R, Son

Sony recently invited a collection of online writers to visit Riverdale High School in Louisiana, or as it is more importantly known – the set of the latest Channing Tatum joint, 21 Jump Street, which was written by and co-stars a slimmed up Jonah Hill. While I’m sure none of them are certified C-Tates historians and biographers, whatever, I’m not bitter. So what? They got an inside look at the remake of the 1980s hit TV show, which starred Johnny Depp and Richard Grieco. Good for them. *chokes back tears*

This action-comedy film version will be rated R due to an overabundance of the F word and because the whole thing is about drugs. What kind of drugs? I’m glad you asked.

Once the R was secure, the name of the drug officially became “HFS,” which stands for “Holy F*cking Sh*t.” The effects of HFS are broken into five stages:

1) The gigs
2) Tripping major ballsack
3) Overfalsity of confidence
4) F*ck yeah, motherfucker!
5) Pass out

To be clear, 21 Jump Street should not be obnoxiously R. Lord pointed out, “We do have an f-bomb problem on this film… I feel like once you cross a hundred, you should slow down.” The R has a purpose beyond the license to print profanity. (Via Collider)

I didn’t need to travel all the way to Louisiana to talk to Tatum about his latest effort at comedy. Because we’re boys and I can reach him on his Boost Mobile anytime, here’s what my good friend C-Tates, the hardest workin’, twerkin’, lay it down flip and reversin’ man in show bizna$$, had to say about 21 Jump Street

Yo girl, check it – like, you gots da right to remain silent n sh*t. Anyfing you say, can or will B used against U in a court of AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW YEAH, C-TATES LIKE A MUTHA F*CKA IN DA HEEZY! So like deez nurrds were all up in my sh*t like, Yo C-Tates why yo movies so fly, son? But yo, I plays my roles 4 real, and I’m like, Yo sucka bitch, C-Tates ain’t here, ya heard? My name is – WHAT? – hahaha like dat Eminem song, right? But yo my name is Jenko, like dem ass balloons, legit. An I be all under covers n sh*t, but not like my Gucci silk sheets. Like, I’m someone else tryin’ 2 trick some punk bitches. It’s police sh*t, u ain’t on the tip. But 4 reals, f*ck da police. Respek Eazy E and dem AIDS. Wrap yo sh*t, son.